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for Sylvan Siren

6/5/2007 c1 6bordeauxdaffodill
I really liked this poem! One of my favorite things was stanza 1. It was like, in trochaic tetrameter but with a 10-9-10-9 pattern! That's an inventive way to write poetry! I kinda wish you had kept with that meter for the rest of it, but I still love it the way it is.



ps. thankyou for reviewing mirrors! I hope you like the next 5 chapters and I hope you'll excuse all the horrific typos (yes I am unfortunately aware of them...)
3/29/2007 c1 ErosAndSunsets
Following the review format you asked for:

1. I like the way you set up the mystery of the stranger and narrator with your word choice.

2. The first two line flow beautifully together, but the third line seems out of place in the stanza. The "haunted pathways" did not click with the image I felt you were creating.

3. I like how this one made a transition by the narrator invinting the stranger to stay with her. And still, the mystery part is flowing.

4. I liked the lines in this one better than those in stanza 3. If you try and consolidate the piece, you could omit stanza 3 and put this one in its place. It fits well and had more dramatism to it.

5. I feel about this stanza the same way I did of 4. I love the verb "tarry" and the way you convey the narrator's emotions.

6. This is a good progression stanza, since your starting to split from the ideas of 3-5. I also like the how you give the piece more of a setting.

7. Nice progression, nice flow. I love the last two lines; they're so clever and creative.

8. This one is nice, but I don't think it adds anything to the context.

9. I like how the narrator's charactor starts to develope from an innocent maid who just wants love to a voluptous women who demands it. I think it would be more effective if you put it after stanza 8.

10. Again, love the developement. The only thing I would change is the "Do but dwell"... it's confusing language to me and makes me stop and think about it instead of thinking about the piece.

11-14. Very nice conclusion; The ending line is great.

It's a really good piece that presents ideas through a story that can be entertaining and intriguing. I especially loved your style of writing.

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