Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Secret of Solomon

6/20/2008 c18 7Justin Carlton
I owe you a huge apology for taking so long to review...

Clean chapter, although I think the cliffhanger at the end loses its potential because we've already known that foul play was involved ever since the beginning of the story.

On the other hand, I'm still hooked. Disregard the fact that I only review once a year...
5/25/2008 c17 Justin Carlton
The salvation message seemed a little out of place, but it's cool that you were able to fit it in there. I like where the story's going too...
5/25/2008 c16 Justin Carlton
Just gotta let you know, I LOVE this story. It's undeniably awesome.

'Nuff said.
5/18/2008 c15 Justin Carlton
"The woman had claws hidden underneath those pristine, perfect fingernails of hers, and he was pretty sure he’d seen them the night before." - nice wording + imagery

"...to go this morning and straighten things up..." - could just be me, but I think "out" would be a better preposition to use

This chapter felt a little slower, but I like the regular length you're maintaining - it makes everything very streamlined.
5/18/2008 c14 Justin Carlton
Excellent writing. My only complaints are the huge paragraphs, which make reading somewhat of a tedious process. Wading through the text detracts from what is otherwise a superb read.

Very few typographical errors also. Keep it up, girl.
5/5/2008 c13 Justin Carlton
Apparently my parents live at the manor: "There were two other married couples, the Carlton’s..."

ha ha

"...more or less a place for people inconvenienced by their past..." - nice wording. Very humanistic philosophy.

Great chapter. Apologies for the spasmodic reviews - I never have time to sit and read more than one chapter at a time.

God bless.
4/21/2008 c12 Justin Carlton
Another great chapter. There were some grammatical errors in the text to check out, but not so many as to be detrimental to the story. Also, the transition between Jesse and Hannah's perspectives was not indicated, which made the progression a little confusing.

This is some really good work - as usual.

Keep it up!
3/16/2008 c11 Justin Carlton
"Her statement, spoken so incredibly calmly, hit him like a literal blow." - unnecessary adjectives; incredibly and literal are somewhat redundant.

Other than that, no complaints from me. You have this amazing way of making a lot happen even in short chapters. The plot of the story doesn't suffer for it either: nice progression.

"Ken" ~ Justin
3/16/2008 c10 Justin Carlton
Forgive me for being dense (if I am), but aren't Nichole and Jesse siblings? Or are they step-siblings? Just to clear that up... I probably just missed something somewhere.

"She could tell he’d been tense, but her muscles still ached from the stiffness of being clenched all afternoon and evening." - I'm not sure this sentence quite makes sense. At any rate, wouldn't she be more sore from the accident than

tension? Just a thought.

"Eaden Hall was meant specifically for people like Adam and Deirdre. People with stories, histories, and secrets… skeletons in their closets, ones that they wouldn’t dare tell anybody; they all had things they were ashamed of, but yet had been forgiven for." - this paragraph is really well-worded except for the last clause: did you intend to say "...things they were ashamed of, things they had yet to be forgiven" or "things they were ashamed of, even though they had been forgiven"?

"Hannah smiled slightly, without her teeth, and nodded again." - nice wording.

The chapter seemed like it ended abruptly, but that's not really an issue. I especially like how you're tying the two stories together now - without really cinching the knot. Excellent prose.

Keep it up - as always

"Ken" ~ Justin
3/15/2008 c9 Justin Carlton
Awkward relationship we have here... I'm assuming (hoping) that details will be revealed as we progress.

The car accident was a little over-detailed; it felt over-wrought, since I immediately got the mental image of the scene.

On top of that, these two sentences [in context] bothered me: "He ran as fast as he could toward the sounds of damage not far away. He squinted into the sun, and from what he could see—and hear—the impact had caused damage."

Other than that, no complaints from moi. Nice work as always.

"Ken" ~ Justin
3/14/2008 c7 Justin Carlton
Your chapters are a perfect length - long enough for a lot to happen, but not dragging (a problem I've always suffered from). The action is great, and the story's compelling. I'm still looking for the connection to the prologue, though... Maybe it will become apparent a little later on.

Keep it up

"Ken" ~ Justin
12/27/2007 c6 Justin Carlton
Excellent as always. I have no complaints.

I could literally feel Claire's frustration - that's something that really struck me. I'm not sure exactly how you managed to translate that emotion, but it was great.

Keep writing.

"Ken"
12/21/2007 c5 Justin Carlton
Yeah, women don't like me either... lol

This chapter seemed like it could have been part of the last, just to keep the action from stuttering, but that's the only complaint I have. I can't express how amazed I am - you are an astoundingly great author! I'm not quite sure how you could come up with such high praise for my mediochre works when you've written stuff like this. lol

As always, keep writing.

Justin ~ "Ken"
12/21/2007 c4 Justin Carlton
Great work - you've really captured my interest. The characters are great and extremely realistic - I especially like this new addition, Jesse.

Keep it up!

"Ken"
12/20/2007 c3 Justin Carlton
Again, this is simply great writing. I stand humbled. lol

"Ken"
42 Page 1 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service