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7/25/2007 c1 Rubicon
Well... this certainly is a pleasant change from the usual! I'm glad to see you also work on original fiction, as you've certainly got a better grasp than most on character and plot development, storyline, basic grammar *grimaces*... That being said, I'm a little surprised in your choice of setting for this story. I think high-school as an environment limits the scope a story, but I look forward to how you move your characters through it. It certainly does allow for interesting conflict, doesn't it? I enjoyed reading your characters. Chris seems very clearly defined in his attitudes and mannerisms, and I like that you did not over-characterise him so as to make him too inflexible in future writings. Alexander seems a little less subtle because of the "pretty-boy syndrome", but I can imagine that the plot hinges on it. I think I know Brooke. I would like to know more about Michael and his relationship with Chris as well as how both characters move through high school, knowing that they are pretty opposite in terms of peer relationships to Alexander. Hm... I hope you'll be posting soon. I've certainly missed your writing. Cheers!
4/6/2007 c1 7yabureta tsubasa
Jesus, hun. You've already got two reviews... o_O Three, if you count this one. What did I tell you? ^^; I give you until the end of the month to have 100. If that.

I'm interested to read this. I have a feeling you've got more here than I've seen so far. Keep in mind, I'm not reviewing this as a fic; I'm reviewing this for content and for how well it can be adapted into its final form. If I make off-color comments, I apologize. Know that I love you dearly.
4/6/2007 c1 8Sundown
I like the idea of this story, as there are so many different directions for juicy conflict. My criticsm would be that there is perhaps too much dialogue...a little less dialogue and a bit more description could help warm up to the characters more. Anyway, hope you update soon!
4/5/2007 c1 To The Limit
Mk, comments... I liked the way you introduced Chris' position as captain of the basketball team. Up until that point, Chris had only been described as an "honor roll student", so I thought the shift was nice and unexpected.

For Brooke's opening line, I think it would be good to emphasize her annoyance by italicizing the "I'll" in the "I'll kick you-" line. It seems to me that would be where the emphasis would be if this conversation actually happened. Makes the response to Chris' line seem quicker and more cutting.

The only other critique I have is for the following sentence: "'What flavor?' Chris asked, once they were seated comfortably in a booth at the diner Chris tended to prefer to most fast food chains." Up until that point, the reading had been smooth and quick, matching the dialogue between the characters. However, that sentence seem inelegant to me; I would suggest trying to take out some of the words, if possible.

Hopefully this is helpful somehow ^_^.

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