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for The Father of Lights: An Alternative History

7/22/2007 c20 11Fabian Beswick
Hm, Arthur C. Clarke comes to mind hearing of this "Ladder of Life". I did rather enjoy the explanation of getting iron or nearly anything from biomancy, and a rather clever insertion of a certain Nemo... This really is most interesting, especially to see the British as the villains.
7/19/2007 c18 dreamshell
Great chapter. The Marquis is one devilish fellow. I like the idea of him having Dahomey Amazons as bodyguards, as well as the ab-dead nobility's use of skin/faces for fashion. Also, very clever of de Sade so often turning people against each other.

-dreamshell-
7/14/2007 c17 dreamshell
Awesome chapter, all around. Angels sound cool (the Betrayal technique is pretty clever). The Sadists and all their wickedness is *very* fun to read about. :D And also, the Beast sounds very impressive.

P.S. Alejandra better not be dead.

-dreamshell-
7/8/2007 c1 5Kitomi
wow, something about the Industrial Revolution. It brings me back to Karl Marx's and Egnles "Communist Manifesto" even though its about Russia, but still, there is the same strife.

great job

-Kitomi
7/8/2007 c5 3Kent Edwins
You might want to spend a little bit more time with certain characters before switching to other ones. 1,0 words isn't really enough to let the reader get acquinted with a character, and when you move on right away only to return to them a few chapters later, it makes things a little difficult to follow.

I'm interested in how this "power of prayer" works, though.

Some good descriptions here, making a nice break from the dialogue. But you tend abuse commas in some places, i.e."Instead of individually making each suit of armor by hand, the Jesuits had used a novel concept found in Cathay. Instead of one skilled craftsman making each suit individually, several craftsmen, each with a different skill, would work in turns, creating several suits at a much faster rate."
7/8/2007 c4 Kent Edwins
Cool chapter. Toshira "Date"? or is it "Dante"? Might want to proofread a bit more. Also, the story is beginning to suffer due to a lack of dates. Historical fiction usually needs a few of those.

Otherwise, things are getting interesting.
7/8/2007 c14 dreamshell
Biosteel sounds interesting. And Tishul is Nemo, huh? Bringing in some fictional characters? :D

Couple of typos that really stood out;

“But living things contain millions, if not millions, of cells!”

Also, you call Bonnie 'Molly' twice.

-dreamshell-
7/7/2007 c13 dreamshell
Yay, tapac-yauri! And floating cities *rock*. Really, this is getting terrifically complex and I might go as far as saying your best story yet (in terms of scope, at the very least).

I like Alessandra too, but there's something a little off about her. Guess that's what happens when prayer actually has real-life effects.

Undead Sadists? Why didn't I figure that would happen? Heh, that's great. Let's see a few of those things, too (and de Sade!).

-dreamshell-
7/7/2007 c12 dreamshell
Giovanni and Bantay talking? Nice. They're probably my favorite characters (unless, of course, you put de Sade in the spotlight).

The Entity sounds like some hybrid of Cthulhu and Azathoth. Can't wait till that thing pops up to say hello. :D

-dreamshell-
7/7/2007 c11 dreamshell
Well done chapter. Paul's compartmentalization is an interesting trait. And the behemoths were a nice addition. They much be horrors. :D

"Barkskins and burning men"? Let's hear more about them.

Heheh, by the end of the day indeed.

-dreamshell-
7/7/2007 c3 Kent Edwins
Ben Franklin's famous cake quote. Cool! Good bit of alternate history/ fantasy politics here, but things are getting interesting. I will pick up from here later.

Only criticism so far is you might want to spend a bit more time proofreading, aka using words like "claim" by accident instead of "calm" in chapter one.
7/7/2007 c1 Kent Edwins
Very cool so far. I like the writing. Good use of alliteration, it reminds me very much of Meilville.
7/5/2007 c12 11Fabian Beswick
I like this and will have to follow it.
6/30/2007 c9 28Erisah Mae
Whe-OO! Captain Chang is awesome! Very, very nice.

Update again soon! I love where this seems to be going!

Erisah
6/30/2007 c8 Erisah Mae
Lovely- the thought and concepts behind this are exceptional- and intriguing is this story...

Loving this,

Erisah
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