for Breaking The Mirror12/18/2012 c32 Guest
Awesome story x
Awesome story x
12/16/2012 c32 Tatwow
This was a amazing story! It was well written and the storyline was captivating! I feel like it shouldn't have ended the way it did. I feel like its missing something like its just not done. I really hope there is a sequel!
This was a amazing story! It was well written and the storyline was captivating! I feel like it shouldn't have ended the way it did. I feel like its missing something like its just not done. I really hope there is a sequel!
11/24/2012 c32 anon
FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Dont get me wrong... It was beautiful and sad and everything I love in a story!(And I highly recommend it to anyone reading this!) The best I've read in a long while...but how could you do that to me...HOW!? I was ready to read the last chapter, expecting one last wonderful chapter to satisfy me...and you left me hanging...why...why...
FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Dont get me wrong... It was beautiful and sad and everything I love in a story!(And I highly recommend it to anyone reading this!) The best I've read in a long while...but how could you do that to me...HOW!? I was ready to read the last chapter, expecting one last wonderful chapter to satisfy me...and you left me hanging...why...why...
11/23/2012 c32 
4GrangerDanger333
Hmmmm, ok...
I just read the whole of this story and it is SO GOOD! Really. I love the plot and the characters and everything. Some stories on fp about abuse don't really work, or seem realistic, but this is one of the better stories about stuff like this. I mean that you 'tackled the issue' really well :)
I get what you mean about that last chapter. After I saw this note, i went back and re-read the end. It definitely does work as a sweet ending even if I wasn't expecting it and was sad that it had to end at all.
Well done for writing such a lovely story. i love Jayden so much, he's too sweet and I think the change in him nearer the end is so good [the way he speaks and stuff..]. And Seaton is so wonderful :D Actually, thinkng about it more, all your characters are actually very well done, even the horrible ones. And the plot made total sense and linked things together, including the thing with the title which I
love :)
Great story!
4GrangerDanger333Hmmmm, ok...
I just read the whole of this story and it is SO GOOD! Really. I love the plot and the characters and everything. Some stories on fp about abuse don't really work, or seem realistic, but this is one of the better stories about stuff like this. I mean that you 'tackled the issue' really well :)
I get what you mean about that last chapter. After I saw this note, i went back and re-read the end. It definitely does work as a sweet ending even if I wasn't expecting it and was sad that it had to end at all.
Well done for writing such a lovely story. i love Jayden so much, he's too sweet and I think the change in him nearer the end is so good [the way he speaks and stuff..]. And Seaton is so wonderful :D Actually, thinkng about it more, all your characters are actually very well done, even the horrible ones. And the plot made total sense and linked things together, including the thing with the title which I
love :)
Great story!
11/18/2012 c32 xMunchy
Huhuhu, I am so glad I read this! I'm glad that there was no sex in this. Not that I'm a prude (there is a reason that I filtered out all the non-M ones... Huhuhu...), but because you're right. The sex would have been weird and strained and would have just not fit. I also love how you wrote the first chapter - it definitely caught my eye and interested me. All that cussing! XD The only problems were the grammar mistakes you commonly made. There isn't a single chapter where a minute's worth of reading didn't have a mistake. Well, they weren't big mistakes and I only had to puzzle over a few for a couple of minutes, so it's fine! And besides, it's been 3 years since you've worked on this, so I'm sure that you have improved plenty! But, more than anything, I love the dialogue and the general smoothness of this story. They's so realistic and natural and they just WORK. The stuttering, cuts, and obvious personality in the dialogue sings to me. They're perfect. Most people, I think (including me), have trouble with this. The dialogue is the same for every character, at the most basic of levels. If the character is shy, then we'll just make them repeat a few letters (no, not syllables - LETTERS! A little pet peeve of mine), but the speech pattern remains. Same for dialects - change how the words sound, but the basics remain. Not only that, but most of the dialogue is unnatural. Real people do not speak as if they are sure in everything we say. We will digress, trail off, change our minds, stammer, twist our tongues, use fillers (um, you know, like, god, etc), and a whole bunch of other things! We do not plan out everything we say in our heads. And that, my friend, is what you're a master at. The flow of the first-person narrative, the dialogue... All of it holds the very basics and outline of the characters's souls. It captures their thoughts, history, future, and current state. And what's more, YOU DON'T NARRATE EVEREYTHING! HALLELUJAH! A lot of people narrate exactly what their dialogue says. You, on the other hand, let your characters do all of the talking and I love that. Well, sorry for taking up your time with this essay-like review (if you even read this. This IS a review for an old work that has almost 2,000 reviews to it already. It would be absurd to read all of them, I imagine).
Oh, and another thing I respect you for: Putting all of this in a FIRST-person, PRESENT-tense narrative. I personally prefer third-person, past-tense narratives - they're easier for me to do. So the fact that you did this so spectacularly makes me respect you immensely. Ok, done.
-xMunchy
P.S. I lied. I am not done yet.
P.S.S. I hope that FictionPress doesn't delete anything in this review like it has done so before. It seems to hate certain characters and I haven't figured out which ones yet. If you see a sudden pause or something, I'm sure you can guess why.
P.S.S.S. NOW I'm done. :)
Huhuhu, I am so glad I read this! I'm glad that there was no sex in this. Not that I'm a prude (there is a reason that I filtered out all the non-M ones... Huhuhu...), but because you're right. The sex would have been weird and strained and would have just not fit. I also love how you wrote the first chapter - it definitely caught my eye and interested me. All that cussing! XD The only problems were the grammar mistakes you commonly made. There isn't a single chapter where a minute's worth of reading didn't have a mistake. Well, they weren't big mistakes and I only had to puzzle over a few for a couple of minutes, so it's fine! And besides, it's been 3 years since you've worked on this, so I'm sure that you have improved plenty! But, more than anything, I love the dialogue and the general smoothness of this story. They's so realistic and natural and they just WORK. The stuttering, cuts, and obvious personality in the dialogue sings to me. They're perfect. Most people, I think (including me), have trouble with this. The dialogue is the same for every character, at the most basic of levels. If the character is shy, then we'll just make them repeat a few letters (no, not syllables - LETTERS! A little pet peeve of mine), but the speech pattern remains. Same for dialects - change how the words sound, but the basics remain. Not only that, but most of the dialogue is unnatural. Real people do not speak as if they are sure in everything we say. We will digress, trail off, change our minds, stammer, twist our tongues, use fillers (um, you know, like, god, etc), and a whole bunch of other things! We do not plan out everything we say in our heads. And that, my friend, is what you're a master at. The flow of the first-person narrative, the dialogue... All of it holds the very basics and outline of the characters's souls. It captures their thoughts, history, future, and current state. And what's more, YOU DON'T NARRATE EVEREYTHING! HALLELUJAH! A lot of people narrate exactly what their dialogue says. You, on the other hand, let your characters do all of the talking and I love that. Well, sorry for taking up your time with this essay-like review (if you even read this. This IS a review for an old work that has almost 2,000 reviews to it already. It would be absurd to read all of them, I imagine).
Oh, and another thing I respect you for: Putting all of this in a FIRST-person, PRESENT-tense narrative. I personally prefer third-person, past-tense narratives - they're easier for me to do. So the fact that you did this so spectacularly makes me respect you immensely. Ok, done.
-xMunchy
P.S. I lied. I am not done yet.
P.S.S. I hope that FictionPress doesn't delete anything in this review like it has done so before. It seems to hate certain characters and I haven't figured out which ones yet. If you see a sudden pause or something, I'm sure you can guess why.
P.S.S.S. NOW I'm done. :)
11/16/2012 c32 Anon
This is the very first time I've read something in Fictionpress, and I seriously thought I will never finish reading up until the 31st chapter. But I did, and you're awesome like that.
I love this. It's predictable, but your characters salvaged the plotline. I especially love Jayden. I like his wit. The way he thinks, and the way he's innocent and pure but scarred at the same time. He always makes me go 'awwww'. Whenever I read his thoughts...it inevitably makes me want to protect him. Yeah, that's fiction for you. Speaking of which, the damsel in distress concept is probably brought about by the fact that he never tried to rescue himself from his miserable life. Instead, the man next door had to do it and save his ass from Charlie and Alfred. In my opinion though, it's pretty pardonable. Understandable, in fact, since, if we will try to just comprehend how that kid's psychology works (and may I just reiterate that he's so innocent and pure?), it's just impossible for him to breakaway. He's been abused since he was young that he probably thinks it's normal (which I really think is the case). You call it learned helplessness. Oh well, but maybe that's just me.
I love his friends! Linda, Suki and Corin. I especially love Corin's backstory. I find Mr. Spencer's attachment towards Jayden a little unsettling (not to mention I feel that the reason behind his fondness towards the kid is lacking), but, yeah, Jayden rocks. /shot.
The only thing that bugs me about this story is its grammar. I'll forgive the incoherence for most part because it's written in Jayden's point of view, but the simple things which can be amended with a quick proofreading is just- a very big turn off. I mean this story is really good (I don't even talk with my friends while I'm reading it), but I have to come clean that I almost pushed the back button as soon as I saw your 'Did you here me, boy!?' at the first chapter. Like...what on earth? Haha. But, since I was interested in the 'child abuse' theme (I was actually expecting BDSM here. It's my first shot with a story that goes along this motif), I persevered. XDD And I'm telling you, not everyone's lenient to overlook that simple mistake. Oh well, it's their loss.
So yeah. I hope you'll be more careful next time! No one's got a perfect grammar, but it's a little disturbing to read something which will require you to mentally proofread most of the time.
Lastly...the ending. Haha. I will be lying if I say I'm not disappointed that they didn't have sex (this is rated M, I was waiting for it :)))), but, given that you think Jayden's not yet ready, I'll let it pass. Really though, I thought he was so much eager and prepared. XD I think the last few chapters are where Jayden's character developed? From the shy, mute guy who's terrified of just about everything, he starts to see his humanness and begins to long for things. To learn how to be selfish (which, I believe, is innate in us?). It's actually kind of cute that he finds normal human beings' lives 'complex'. But, yes, he's there. He's beginning to explore it and that's the point where he'll probably learn to fight back and stand up for himself. So, no, I don't think he's just a damsel in distress. The last chapters proved it. Perhaps people are just misunderstanding his obsession over Seaton as 'dependence'? But, really, the kid's just in love. Or maybe I'm wrong, but whatever XD hahaha
All in all, this is a good story for me ;D That is, grammatical errors and incoherent sentence construction put aside. So yes! Good luck and I hope you write more
This is the very first time I've read something in Fictionpress, and I seriously thought I will never finish reading up until the 31st chapter. But I did, and you're awesome like that.
I love this. It's predictable, but your characters salvaged the plotline. I especially love Jayden. I like his wit. The way he thinks, and the way he's innocent and pure but scarred at the same time. He always makes me go 'awwww'. Whenever I read his thoughts...it inevitably makes me want to protect him. Yeah, that's fiction for you. Speaking of which, the damsel in distress concept is probably brought about by the fact that he never tried to rescue himself from his miserable life. Instead, the man next door had to do it and save his ass from Charlie and Alfred. In my opinion though, it's pretty pardonable. Understandable, in fact, since, if we will try to just comprehend how that kid's psychology works (and may I just reiterate that he's so innocent and pure?), it's just impossible for him to breakaway. He's been abused since he was young that he probably thinks it's normal (which I really think is the case). You call it learned helplessness. Oh well, but maybe that's just me.
I love his friends! Linda, Suki and Corin. I especially love Corin's backstory. I find Mr. Spencer's attachment towards Jayden a little unsettling (not to mention I feel that the reason behind his fondness towards the kid is lacking), but, yeah, Jayden rocks. /shot.
The only thing that bugs me about this story is its grammar. I'll forgive the incoherence for most part because it's written in Jayden's point of view, but the simple things which can be amended with a quick proofreading is just- a very big turn off. I mean this story is really good (I don't even talk with my friends while I'm reading it), but I have to come clean that I almost pushed the back button as soon as I saw your 'Did you here me, boy!?' at the first chapter. Like...what on earth? Haha. But, since I was interested in the 'child abuse' theme (I was actually expecting BDSM here. It's my first shot with a story that goes along this motif), I persevered. XDD And I'm telling you, not everyone's lenient to overlook that simple mistake. Oh well, it's their loss.
So yeah. I hope you'll be more careful next time! No one's got a perfect grammar, but it's a little disturbing to read something which will require you to mentally proofread most of the time.
Lastly...the ending. Haha. I will be lying if I say I'm not disappointed that they didn't have sex (this is rated M, I was waiting for it :)))), but, given that you think Jayden's not yet ready, I'll let it pass. Really though, I thought he was so much eager and prepared. XD I think the last few chapters are where Jayden's character developed? From the shy, mute guy who's terrified of just about everything, he starts to see his humanness and begins to long for things. To learn how to be selfish (which, I believe, is innate in us?). It's actually kind of cute that he finds normal human beings' lives 'complex'. But, yes, he's there. He's beginning to explore it and that's the point where he'll probably learn to fight back and stand up for himself. So, no, I don't think he's just a damsel in distress. The last chapters proved it. Perhaps people are just misunderstanding his obsession over Seaton as 'dependence'? But, really, the kid's just in love. Or maybe I'm wrong, but whatever XD hahaha
All in all, this is a good story for me ;D That is, grammatical errors and incoherent sentence construction put aside. So yes! Good luck and I hope you write more
10/18/2012 c32 TheMaidenMoon
Hi, I absolutely loved this story. It's was really good:) as well as saying that u also wanted to throw in how much you had changed by the en of this story. Not just in writing style, (which only changed a smidge) but more as you seemed to have calmed a lot! You went from being very spastic and hyper to a more mello and calmer persona. Now I might be wrong but I just thought it was so cool to see the story grow as well as the author. I really, truly enjoyed reading this story.
Hi, I absolutely loved this story. It's was really good:) as well as saying that u also wanted to throw in how much you had changed by the en of this story. Not just in writing style, (which only changed a smidge) but more as you seemed to have calmed a lot! You went from being very spastic and hyper to a more mello and calmer persona. Now I might be wrong but I just thought it was so cool to see the story grow as well as the author. I really, truly enjoyed reading this story.
10/16/2012 c32 6MAH1
I just finished reading this and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I read another review of this on goodreads where it was commented that Jayden didn't grow at all as a person and was basically just a damsel in distress. I disagree.
To me it was great that Jayden's personal growth was subtle and I liked the fact that he refused to see himself as a victim.
Also, a perfect place to end the story, in my opinion.
6MAH1I just finished reading this and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I read another review of this on goodreads where it was commented that Jayden didn't grow at all as a person and was basically just a damsel in distress. I disagree.
To me it was great that Jayden's personal growth was subtle and I liked the fact that he refused to see himself as a victim.
Also, a perfect place to end the story, in my opinion.
9/25/2012 c9 AdaraH
I have a feeling that this Charlie is a paedophile or something , because if the memories are taking place when Jayden was a kid , this Charlie is giving me bad vibes ...
I have a feeling that this Charlie is a paedophile or something , because if the memories are taking place when Jayden was a kid , this Charlie is giving me bad vibes ...
8/16/2012 c11 Depth-of-Field
"I'd turned eight years old two months previously, so I was old enough to kiss back."
Augh. This sentence was just so perfect for the setting and so heartbreaking and in character and. Damn it, the poor kid.
"I'd turned eight years old two months previously, so I was old enough to kiss back."
Augh. This sentence was just so perfect for the setting and so heartbreaking and in character and. Damn it, the poor kid.