for Masquerade8/15/2007 c1 Benjamin - To Be Deleted
Okay, so I'm here, might as well roll with it...
Your punctuation really needs to be worked on. You messed up in the first sentence, dear. You also really and honest to God need to make sure you have complete sentences and proper grammar... such as:
"The only question that remain is out of all of these who are you, and who do you wish to become?" This should read:
"The only question that remains out of all of this is: who are you, and who do you wish to become?"
While I know I'm not perfect myself, you asked me to tell you what was wrong.
I like it, I really do. I told you that when I saw it. But it reads like a poem stuffed into essay format. Which is it supposed to be?
Anyways, don't be mad at me, I'm just tryin' to help where it be needed, don't ye know, me darlin'.
Love ya.
Okay, so I'm here, might as well roll with it...
Your punctuation really needs to be worked on. You messed up in the first sentence, dear. You also really and honest to God need to make sure you have complete sentences and proper grammar... such as:
"The only question that remain is out of all of these who are you, and who do you wish to become?" This should read:
"The only question that remains out of all of this is: who are you, and who do you wish to become?"
While I know I'm not perfect myself, you asked me to tell you what was wrong.
I like it, I really do. I told you that when I saw it. But it reads like a poem stuffed into essay format. Which is it supposed to be?
Anyways, don't be mad at me, I'm just tryin' to help where it be needed, don't ye know, me darlin'.
Love ya.