for Night Storm10/9/2007 c1 
56Luna Turner
Oh my gosh! Gorgeous! I absolutely loved it. For some odd reason, it made me think of Romeo and Juliet. Hehehehehehee. I read that book last year. Good book. Anyways, I really did enjoy reading this poem. Your kind of like a reflection of the writer I want to be some day. Thank you so much for writing such an astounding piece, and thank you for reading my poetry as well.
Cheers! ~Kat :)
56Luna TurnerOh my gosh! Gorgeous! I absolutely loved it. For some odd reason, it made me think of Romeo and Juliet. Hehehehehehee. I read that book last year. Good book. Anyways, I really did enjoy reading this poem. Your kind of like a reflection of the writer I want to be some day. Thank you so much for writing such an astounding piece, and thank you for reading my poetry as well.
Cheers! ~Kat :)
9/3/2007 c1 588Setsuna529
Absolutely gorgeous imagery, I haven't read anything comparable in a long time.
A couple critiques:
Line 18: 'lightening' should be 'lightning'... everyone seems to make this mistake, kind of a pet peeve of mine.
Line 29: "She turns, the spears constitute as Her gaze" - I think maybe it's the 'as' that is throwing me off, but it seems like a kind of strange way to phrase what you are trying to convey.
Otherwise, fantastic. I like that certain lines are italicized, it distinguishes them from the rest of the poem but keeps the flow and concept together. Really beautiful work, nicely done.
588Setsuna529Absolutely gorgeous imagery, I haven't read anything comparable in a long time.
A couple critiques:
Line 18: 'lightening' should be 'lightning'... everyone seems to make this mistake, kind of a pet peeve of mine.
Line 29: "She turns, the spears constitute as Her gaze" - I think maybe it's the 'as' that is throwing me off, but it seems like a kind of strange way to phrase what you are trying to convey.
Otherwise, fantastic. I like that certain lines are italicized, it distinguishes them from the rest of the poem but keeps the flow and concept together. Really beautiful work, nicely done.
6/5/2007 c1 57StillWRD
You were right, I did like it. I can't really see why mine reminded you of this one, yours is much, much better.
What I really like about it is your verbs. You really have a way with verbs. The only critique I have is that I don't like "comes" and "flitting" in lines 4 and 5. They might not bother me, but the rest of your verbs are so much juicier that these stand out and jar a little.
Oh, and I think you could do without the last line. It's not striking enough to be the last line anyway, I don't think, much less in italics like that. It rather dissapointed me after the rest of the poem.
I love the line "leeched of their monotonous spectrum."
This is one of those poems that stands up to, in fact demands, a re-reading. Lots of poems, especially not-as-good ones, can be gathered, sucked on, and digested in one reading, but yours requires a bit more effort.
Anyway, great job. I'll have to read more of your stuff.
57StillWRDYou were right, I did like it. I can't really see why mine reminded you of this one, yours is much, much better.
What I really like about it is your verbs. You really have a way with verbs. The only critique I have is that I don't like "comes" and "flitting" in lines 4 and 5. They might not bother me, but the rest of your verbs are so much juicier that these stand out and jar a little.
Oh, and I think you could do without the last line. It's not striking enough to be the last line anyway, I don't think, much less in italics like that. It rather dissapointed me after the rest of the poem.
I love the line "leeched of their monotonous spectrum."
This is one of those poems that stands up to, in fact demands, a re-reading. Lots of poems, especially not-as-good ones, can be gathered, sucked on, and digested in one reading, but yours requires a bit more effort.
Anyway, great job. I'll have to read more of your stuff.