for and it will suffice10/10/2007 c1 
19Marbur
My apoligies for still not being able to read poetry, I have written some and I still cant read it. Here is what I have to say to what I did get. A lack of mercy in this world only proves how miserable it is. Rape, murder, hatred and the like are just the tips of the horrible iceberg of misery. I wish I could read poetry as well as I believe I can write them.
19MarburMy apoligies for still not being able to read poetry, I have written some and I still cant read it. Here is what I have to say to what I did get. A lack of mercy in this world only proves how miserable it is. Rape, murder, hatred and the like are just the tips of the horrible iceberg of misery. I wish I could read poetry as well as I believe I can write them.
5/13/2007 c1 54kaylajac
i gotta admit, my first impression of this poem is that it's too wordy. although i suspect you've got a good vocabulary, and props to you if so, most people either a) don't know these words or b) have so rarely seen them used that it makes the poem very unaccessible. it did that for me, at least. i really think the poem could benefit from some simpler language, because at the moment, i'm not getting any of the emotions you're trying to convey. any of the intensity and power it might have is strangled by your diction.
but otherwise- and, yeah, i realize i'm sounding really negative, sorry about that- there are some things that could be very, very striking in this poem. it's undeniably unique, and in the current state of poetry on FictionPress, originality gets you /so/ many points from me. despite the barrier caused by your word choice, i still feel like i know the girl in the poem very well, some of her little quirks and eccentricities. it also seems like a series of snapshots in a way, lent to by lines like 'and sometimes the tea tasted like zinc' or 'Sometimes the storm clouds brewed in history'.
overall, the poem feels full of potential that could really be brought out by a little editing. you seem to have so much promise as an author, so i'll watch for what you come up with in the future. good luck :]
54kaylajaci gotta admit, my first impression of this poem is that it's too wordy. although i suspect you've got a good vocabulary, and props to you if so, most people either a) don't know these words or b) have so rarely seen them used that it makes the poem very unaccessible. it did that for me, at least. i really think the poem could benefit from some simpler language, because at the moment, i'm not getting any of the emotions you're trying to convey. any of the intensity and power it might have is strangled by your diction.
but otherwise- and, yeah, i realize i'm sounding really negative, sorry about that- there are some things that could be very, very striking in this poem. it's undeniably unique, and in the current state of poetry on FictionPress, originality gets you /so/ many points from me. despite the barrier caused by your word choice, i still feel like i know the girl in the poem very well, some of her little quirks and eccentricities. it also seems like a series of snapshots in a way, lent to by lines like 'and sometimes the tea tasted like zinc' or 'Sometimes the storm clouds brewed in history'.
overall, the poem feels full of potential that could really be brought out by a little editing. you seem to have so much promise as an author, so i'll watch for what you come up with in the future. good luck :]
5/7/2007 c1 28surrealphobia
The speaker in this poem seems to be saying a lot of things at once. I don't really understand most of it but I do like the imagery. I can't figure out what sarcoidosis means and the only option that my computer gives is acidosis. I liked this poem, I'm still reading it again and again trying to figure out what it really means.
Surreal
28surrealphobiaThe speaker in this poem seems to be saying a lot of things at once. I don't really understand most of it but I do like the imagery. I can't figure out what sarcoidosis means and the only option that my computer gives is acidosis. I liked this poem, I'm still reading it again and again trying to figure out what it really means.
Surreal