5/20/2011 c19 LivinLyfe2TheFullest
its over ...? /3 :'(
at least its a happy ending?
... though it has a bit of a different air to it then the rest of your story, like it sorta doesnt match?
its over ...? /3 :'(
at least its a happy ending?
... though it has a bit of a different air to it then the rest of your story, like it sorta doesnt match?
5/20/2011 c13 LivinLyfe2TheFullest
whoa whats up with Dr. Clark? ... even though i do admit that sleeping with ur step bro is a bit weird ...
whoa whats up with Dr. Clark? ... even though i do admit that sleeping with ur step bro is a bit weird ...
12/14/2010 c19 4Lost In The Ever After
This was a really good piece, hon. You have definite talent, all it needs is a little more practice. This was a good story-a bit rough in places, but good enough to ignore the rougher parts in favor of the whole thing.
There were no major problems, but spelling/grammar seems to be a real weak point for you. You tend to miss words or mix them up with others that sounds the same, like 'too' and 'to'; for some people, those little things can make or break a good story.
Your dialogue seems a bit stiff in places, like a computer is reading it, and not a person with emotions. That's pretty easy to fix, generally; try reading the dialogue aloud with a friend. You be one person and have them be another, and just read the lines as you would speak them. If they sound cheesy or forced, then change them until they'd fit the speech patterns of a normal human being. This is especially important with teenage boys(the characters, anyway), because they don't always speak so clearly.
All in all? It was enjoyable, and the end was a treasure. It could use some work, but find me one story that can't and I'll give you a rainbow, lol. I liked it. Definitely worth re-reading someday.
This was a really good piece, hon. You have definite talent, all it needs is a little more practice. This was a good story-a bit rough in places, but good enough to ignore the rougher parts in favor of the whole thing.
There were no major problems, but spelling/grammar seems to be a real weak point for you. You tend to miss words or mix them up with others that sounds the same, like 'too' and 'to'; for some people, those little things can make or break a good story.
Your dialogue seems a bit stiff in places, like a computer is reading it, and not a person with emotions. That's pretty easy to fix, generally; try reading the dialogue aloud with a friend. You be one person and have them be another, and just read the lines as you would speak them. If they sound cheesy or forced, then change them until they'd fit the speech patterns of a normal human being. This is especially important with teenage boys(the characters, anyway), because they don't always speak so clearly.
All in all? It was enjoyable, and the end was a treasure. It could use some work, but find me one story that can't and I'll give you a rainbow, lol. I liked it. Definitely worth re-reading someday.
12/13/2010 c7 Lost In The Ever After
So, I didn't think I'd review until the very end, but your A/N at the bottom of this chapter convinced me to write one now. Mainly because even if it isn't normal, I get what you mean. My characters do the same to me, sometimes. Not really with mood swings, but just the way they act, I guess. Lol.
So far it's a good story. There are mistakes with the way you phrase things, sometimes they just don't flow as smoothly as they should, and sometimes you get the tenses of your words confused, but other than that it's good. If you ever consider rewriting it I would suggest a beta or two two read through it before you post it, but it doesn't really need to be redone. It's fine the way it is. I mean, there are better, and then there are a lot worse. All in all, so far it's a pleasing read.
So, I didn't think I'd review until the very end, but your A/N at the bottom of this chapter convinced me to write one now. Mainly because even if it isn't normal, I get what you mean. My characters do the same to me, sometimes. Not really with mood swings, but just the way they act, I guess. Lol.
So far it's a good story. There are mistakes with the way you phrase things, sometimes they just don't flow as smoothly as they should, and sometimes you get the tenses of your words confused, but other than that it's good. If you ever consider rewriting it I would suggest a beta or two two read through it before you post it, but it doesn't really need to be redone. It's fine the way it is. I mean, there are better, and then there are a lot worse. All in all, so far it's a pleasing read.
9/24/2010 c19 1doublestandard
l like it. :)
but there's a few chapters that don't work, so l didn't get to read them. :(
Matt is my favorite. :)
l like it. :)
but there's a few chapters that don't work, so l didn't get to read them. :(
Matt is my favorite. :)
8/29/2010 c19 20purplehost
For whatever reason, the fact that they didn't stay together until much later made it much more sweet than some giant confession right before he went off to college.
For whatever reason, the fact that they didn't stay together until much later made it much more sweet than some giant confession right before he went off to college.
4/14/2010 c19 Angel
SO AWESOME.
I wish you'd made Matt go with Luke or something in ch 18. But who cares? This was awesome!
SO AWESOME.
I wish you'd made Matt go with Luke or something in ch 18. But who cares? This was awesome!
4/7/2010 c19 xXx.Fallen.Angel.xXx
Oh my god...
generally speaking i wouldnt be bothered writing a review at 3 in the morning... id leave it.. then forget it...i guess this shows just how good this story was...
At the start i thought it would be crap... no offence intended... it just not the genre id normall read ne? but god am i glad i actually read past the 2nd chapter...
Sometimes the hcaracters confused me a bit... mostly the lil bros... i still have no idea which is which... but the plot was a lot better than i ever thought...
To be perfectly honest... i dont think ive stopped reading this since i started... that being threeish hours ago...
I love the way it ended... exept it made me cry... a lot.. and i so glad that you had the epilogue which broght them together.. coz if you didnt, i seriously would have considered hiring a ninja to eat you or something...it was sad to see aidan die too...
Sorry if this makes no sence... but ...thre in the morning ne? cut me some slack...
Hope you keep writing... coz this was amazing ^.^
Much Love
x
...p.s...
Sorry if what i said came out completely wring and sounded like a flame in any way... it wasn't... my brain is merely not functioning correcly at this point in time...
Anywayd... once again... ur awesome!
Cyas!
Oh my god...
generally speaking i wouldnt be bothered writing a review at 3 in the morning... id leave it.. then forget it...i guess this shows just how good this story was...
At the start i thought it would be crap... no offence intended... it just not the genre id normall read ne? but god am i glad i actually read past the 2nd chapter...
Sometimes the hcaracters confused me a bit... mostly the lil bros... i still have no idea which is which... but the plot was a lot better than i ever thought...
To be perfectly honest... i dont think ive stopped reading this since i started... that being threeish hours ago...
I love the way it ended... exept it made me cry... a lot.. and i so glad that you had the epilogue which broght them together.. coz if you didnt, i seriously would have considered hiring a ninja to eat you or something...it was sad to see aidan die too...
Sorry if this makes no sence... but ...thre in the morning ne? cut me some slack...
Hope you keep writing... coz this was amazing ^.^
Much Love
x
...p.s...
Sorry if what i said came out completely wring and sounded like a flame in any way... it wasn't... my brain is merely not functioning correcly at this point in time...
Anywayd... once again... ur awesome!
Cyas!
3/19/2010 c19 1Handsome Devil
Aw this was cute!
And great and overall, amazing!
I still kinda wish they hadn't left one another. :( Cause that's sad. But Luke needed to grow and learn to rely on himself. And Matt needed to learn not to be such a selfish prick.
I guess it all worked out in the end!
Cute story, thanks for a great read. :)
(ps I'm 400th!)
Aw this was cute!
And great and overall, amazing!
I still kinda wish they hadn't left one another. :( Cause that's sad. But Luke needed to grow and learn to rely on himself. And Matt needed to learn not to be such a selfish prick.
I guess it all worked out in the end!
Cute story, thanks for a great read. :)
(ps I'm 400th!)
3/3/2010 c19 Sheepie
It was a good story and a nice read. I think I liked Aidan the most. I was sad to see that she died in the end. Doesn't sound fair for her. All together this story was really great. Towards the end though things seemed unfinished, and a bit rushed. Like you were just trying to wrap things up. Other then that though, the story was really good. So great job! :D
It was a good story and a nice read. I think I liked Aidan the most. I was sad to see that she died in the end. Doesn't sound fair for her. All together this story was really great. Towards the end though things seemed unfinished, and a bit rushed. Like you were just trying to wrap things up. Other then that though, the story was really good. So great job! :D
2/11/2010 c1 3Momers
There are two rules to live by: Never fuck on the first date, and Never review the first chapter if the story is already completed. But you're awesomesauce story takes that second rule and snaps it in half. Kudos, and Matt, he just would not stop making me laugh. Dear God, already utterly hilarious.
AND you got me to go all out fangirl on you.
There are two rules to live by: Never fuck on the first date, and Never review the first chapter if the story is already completed. But you're awesomesauce story takes that second rule and snaps it in half. Kudos, and Matt, he just would not stop making me laugh. Dear God, already utterly hilarious.
AND you got me to go all out fangirl on you.