for Tails from an Optimistic Pessimist7/8/2007 c7 
1JJSLAM2129
I must say, you're very articulate, and I enjoy the fact that your stories are so personal. Then only thing I have trouble with is the fact that sometimes the stories don't always portray the philosophical messages you put at the end.
Take Chapter 6 "Hands" for instance: I clearly understand both the message and the story, but the random chance of you injuring a nerve in your hand being connected to relationships in general is a little too vague. You start off talking about how people discriminate sex, then talk about helping the janitor and eventually noticing your injured nerve. Nowhere is there mention of the theme of carelessness and suddenly you pull it off at the end. This might just be a preference thing, but the way you narrated the story made it seem like a totally different philosophy was going to be explored.
In short: When you want to portray a certain message or theme, make sure to use words and phrases connected to that instead of just writing a story then somehow vaguely connecting it to the message you want to send.
Don't take this like I hate your story. I do think you're very well spoken and it seems that you took your time to edit this (I found little to no errors!). I hope you keep writing and maybe we can get a story out of you! Thank you so much for your reviews! ( :: )
1JJSLAM2129I must say, you're very articulate, and I enjoy the fact that your stories are so personal. Then only thing I have trouble with is the fact that sometimes the stories don't always portray the philosophical messages you put at the end.
Take Chapter 6 "Hands" for instance: I clearly understand both the message and the story, but the random chance of you injuring a nerve in your hand being connected to relationships in general is a little too vague. You start off talking about how people discriminate sex, then talk about helping the janitor and eventually noticing your injured nerve. Nowhere is there mention of the theme of carelessness and suddenly you pull it off at the end. This might just be a preference thing, but the way you narrated the story made it seem like a totally different philosophy was going to be explored.
In short: When you want to portray a certain message or theme, make sure to use words and phrases connected to that instead of just writing a story then somehow vaguely connecting it to the message you want to send.
Don't take this like I hate your story. I do think you're very well spoken and it seems that you took your time to edit this (I found little to no errors!). I hope you keep writing and maybe we can get a story out of you! Thank you so much for your reviews! ( :: )
5/7/2007 c6 1Gemma Lovell
That's very deep and profound and all that good stuff. Nice job!
Gemma
(PS- I'm sorry this review isn't better, but I didn't really find anything wrong to point out to you.)
1Gemma LovellThat's very deep and profound and all that good stuff. Nice job!
Gemma
(PS- I'm sorry this review isn't better, but I didn't really find anything wrong to point out to you.)
5/7/2007 c4 28surrealphobia
AHH! Snekochan I have no clue what's going on. I faithfully started reading your essay and then 3 chapters come up over night.
I couldn't stop laughing when I read
'But that’s boring and cliché. Do you know how many kids plot world domination in Canadian History Class? So many there’s even a magazine put out for them. It’s called Seventeen'
Anywho I really need to make a doodle metere... Is it copyrighted? Well great essay it was hilarious and engaging.
Surreal
28surrealphobiaAHH! Snekochan I have no clue what's going on. I faithfully started reading your essay and then 3 chapters come up over night.
I couldn't stop laughing when I read
'But that’s boring and cliché. Do you know how many kids plot world domination in Canadian History Class? So many there’s even a magazine put out for them. It’s called Seventeen'
Anywho I really need to make a doodle metere... Is it copyrighted? Well great essay it was hilarious and engaging.
Surreal
5/5/2007 c3 surrealphobia
Wow we are two different people Snekochan. I wear jeans everyday because everyone wears mini-skirts. I did insane random things to repel people away from me (after all I was the book-obseesed nerd). Then I got over it. I found my favorite band in the world [Insane Clown Posse] and thus became a juggalette. I was accepted but I still am different.and rebellious. Anywho enough about me and my lifes story. Great essay, I think it speaks for the eons teenagers have been around. I can't wait for chapter 4.
Wow we are two different people Snekochan. I wear jeans everyday because everyone wears mini-skirts. I did insane random things to repel people away from me (after all I was the book-obseesed nerd). Then I got over it. I found my favorite band in the world [Insane Clown Posse] and thus became a juggalette. I was accepted but I still am different.and rebellious. Anywho enough about me and my lifes story. Great essay, I think it speaks for the eons teenagers have been around. I can't wait for chapter 4.
5/5/2007 c3 bebe0903
I must say, you're a very gifted writer. You amaze me with how you can take small, inatimate (sp?) things (ex: The black dress, pink journal, and jeans.) and turn it into something that totally changed your life or made it a big experience. I absoulutly LOVE how you make life a story, I've been trying to start the same kind of thing for a while now (despite the fact that I have just found this website like two days ago, merely because I'm not too fond of the site as I enjopy reading original stuff)
Keep writing, I enjoy your work!
I must say, you're a very gifted writer. You amaze me with how you can take small, inatimate (sp?) things (ex: The black dress, pink journal, and jeans.) and turn it into something that totally changed your life or made it a big experience. I absoulutly LOVE how you make life a story, I've been trying to start the same kind of thing for a while now (despite the fact that I have just found this website like two days ago, merely because I'm not too fond of the site as I enjopy reading original stuff)
Keep writing, I enjoy your work!
5/4/2007 c2 surrealphobia
Great title. It really grabbed my intrest, the whole concept of this essay suprised me. It totally shattered the typical essay image to me. Great work I can't wait to see more of your work!
Surreal
Great title. It really grabbed my intrest, the whole concept of this essay suprised me. It totally shattered the typical essay image to me. Great work I can't wait to see more of your work!
Surreal
5/4/2007 c2 1Gemma Lovell
That's so insanely true it's not even funny. And, yes, I a maware that this is "Fiction"Press, but still, that couldn't have made more real sense. Great work!
Gemma
1Gemma LovellThat's so insanely true it's not even funny. And, yes, I a maware that this is "Fiction"Press, but still, that couldn't have made more real sense. Great work!
Gemma