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for Fledgling

10/6/2007 c1 CandleQueen
Of course I'll read it, dear. :) I'm big on constructive criticism, though, so you'll have to bear with me. .

A. You have too many metaphors. It disrupts the flow of reading.

B. I didn't find the first chapter very interesting. Remember, the first chapter is the chapter the readers are going to read to see if they want to read more of your story. It wasn't so much the events of the first chapter that weren't interesting, it's just that your writing style lagged too much when you were trying to catch their interest.

C. What makes your story unique? So many stories have shown conflicts between demons and angels in the same light. What sets yours apart from the rest?

D. You did have a quite a few spelling mistakes. Another thing that disrupts the flow. Try printing out your chapters and then editing them. I find that helps better, sometimes. I usually find I have more brainstorms when I actually sit down with a pen and paper then I do when I'm hammering away at the computer.

Okay, I suppose that will help a bit. ^_^

And you don't really have to return the reviews if you don't want. I know it can be a bit daunting. But if you do, please do not read Ariana. I do believe it is a bit terrible, and am in the process of rewriting it.

Thank you.

10/3/2007 c19 luv me like no other
nice chappie, despite what u say about it being crappy.
9/10/2007 c18 6Carmel March
La da dum, this story makes me smile :)

Great work, and please update soon!

9/9/2007 c18 luv me like no other
eep! I'm just a bit confused by this chappie. what's Saise up to? and was Meghan the lesser angel they were referring to?
9/7/2007 c17 Carmel March
Again, I'm terribly sorry for taking so long to review! There is no time in my life for anything but school right now, leaving only a couple of hours on the weekend free.

This story keeps amazing me with each new chapter. Every time I think something is going to happen, something completely different occurs. I love that :)

I'll try my best to read your new chapters sooner. Promise.

9/6/2007 c17 luv me like no other
wow, i just caught up on all of this, and it blows my mind away. it's great!
8/27/2007 c1 10urbanrenegade
pretty good stuff i had a similar idea myself a while back
8/27/2007 c16 2Sixth
Glad to find another update!

I noticed one consistent spelling error. You spelt allowed as "aloud". Just pointing it out so you know :)

Tis' a well written chapter! I certainly didn't expect Saise to hold a parasol O.O very contrasting to Roark.

All the best to you!
8/22/2007 c16 6Carmel March
Oh, this is just getting more and more interesting. I'm loving it!

You're pretty darn good with editing, so there isn't a particular chapter that needs it the most. Usually if you reread, you'll catch the mistakes and confusing parts.

Well, now that you mention it...I do have something you could do for me. You could do my homework! Hehe, just kidding :)

Can't wait for more!

8/21/2007 c16 2Maline Elensar
really awesome
8/9/2007 c15 6Carmel March
Great chapter! I liked the subtle, and not so subtle, mordidity of it. Keep up the amazing work, and update soon!

8/9/2007 c15 2Sixth
:O Narrow is horrid! And I object to Karreth Audrey love XD

ANyway, this was a good chapter. Not much mistakes :)
7/31/2007 c1 13Sir Scott
It was a good start. I guess every good gothic angel should get their clothes at hot topic. I was hoping that the sword would talk. Keep up the good work.

7/21/2007 c14 6Carmel March
Very, very good chapter. This story just seems to get better and better with each chapter. Fantastic job, and I can't wait for more of this! You've got me hooked.



A little shameless self-promotion here...um, could you vote for The Deadly Flower in the SKoW Romance Awards? All the info's in my profile. I'd just think it would be neat to have a vampire story win an award :) Thank you so much!
7/21/2007 c14 2Sixth
Wow, this is good :D I finished these in like... couple of hours...
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