for Black Doesn't Stain4/15/2013 c1 Guest
It's good.
It's good.
2/24/2009 c1 
5loveatlast
I love this! Sorry I dont have anything that could make it better, its just very good already =P
5loveatlastI love this! Sorry I dont have anything that could make it better, its just very good already =P
2/17/2009 c1 canuckscommunity
you are a freaking good writer! i read some of your other stuff too. i see you haven't updated in a loong while but i do hope you do!
~hinatablue
you are a freaking good writer! i read some of your other stuff too. i see you haven't updated in a loong while but i do hope you do!
~hinatablue
1/2/2009 c1 disused account
Hey, just thought I'd give this a read. Not really my thing but I do like the style.
Hey, just thought I'd give this a read. Not really my thing but I do like the style.
8/13/2008 c1 2dragonflydreamer
This is an interesting concept. Usually there's some helpless girl who's the victim in a hitchhiker situation. I like the dialogue in this, too. It's very natural, and there's a huge contrast between the way the two of them speak.
I think vinny2 pretty much covered all the negatives that I have. Like he said, this would be a great story if you continued it. Also, I thought you could have used more description of the farmer, especially considering how much you described the woman. My onlu other note would be that you didn't mention the bundle of cloth until the baby was revealed. Maybe you could have mentioned it along with her description?
2dragonflydreamerThis is an interesting concept. Usually there's some helpless girl who's the victim in a hitchhiker situation. I like the dialogue in this, too. It's very natural, and there's a huge contrast between the way the two of them speak.
I think vinny2 pretty much covered all the negatives that I have. Like he said, this would be a great story if you continued it. Also, I thought you could have used more description of the farmer, especially considering how much you described the woman. My onlu other note would be that you didn't mention the bundle of cloth until the baby was revealed. Maybe you could have mentioned it along with her description?
8/13/2008 c1 11vrivasfl
For a one-shot, this was pretty good. It was straightforward with a catchy ending. I'm probably not the first person to say this, but this story could be expanded on if you ever choose to continue passed this one chapter. You don't have to since the story is fine as a one-shot as well.
I don't really see anything that I could criticize besides my interest in wanting to read on, but ultimately being unable to. Maybe you could have given a bit more description about her victim. You only described him as a farmer, and that's not much to go on.
11vrivasflFor a one-shot, this was pretty good. It was straightforward with a catchy ending. I'm probably not the first person to say this, but this story could be expanded on if you ever choose to continue passed this one chapter. You don't have to since the story is fine as a one-shot as well.
I don't really see anything that I could criticize besides my interest in wanting to read on, but ultimately being unable to. Maybe you could have given a bit more description about her victim. You only described him as a farmer, and that's not much to go on.
8/12/2008 c1 noroomforspace
Clever, slightly cute, in a demented kind of way. The descriptions are fine, if a little lacking, but it is a short story. I don't believe I found too many errors, or none that stick out. The woman's appearance is far too cliche (white skin, black hair, red lips), but other than some tuning up and a bit of dusting off, I can't think of anything more to suggest for it.
The line the title gets its name from is very clever, however. I liked it.
Clever, slightly cute, in a demented kind of way. The descriptions are fine, if a little lacking, but it is a short story. I don't believe I found too many errors, or none that stick out. The woman's appearance is far too cliche (white skin, black hair, red lips), but other than some tuning up and a bit of dusting off, I can't think of anything more to suggest for it.
The line the title gets its name from is very clever, however. I liked it.