for Loving Evil11/17/2010 c7 jmg2596
ok so where's the next chapter?
and i love thiss particular book your writing than echo by the way! (:
ok so where's the next chapter?
and i love thiss particular book your writing than echo by the way! (:
7/2/2007 c7 
5XxZarahxX
It's so wonderful!
A totally awsome story! Can't wait to read the next chapter.
/XxZarahxX
5XxZarahxXIt's so wonderful!
A totally awsome story! Can't wait to read the next chapter.
/XxZarahxX
6/15/2007 c7 bintarab
hi petals!
it's a good story bec of the various tensions you've set up - it carries me through and keeps me reading, looking for movement. it's the plot that works for me, even though there are small inconsistencies - if you want, i can re-read and try to find them again to put them in a review for you, but if you'd rather i didn't, that's cool.
about the chapters being short - well, i'm not sure that longer chapters are really a good idea. keeping it short makes you dispense with trivial things and cut right to the heart of things. it's a good exercise for you to figure out what your own chapter is really about and how it fits into the whole picture. you could always flesh it out later if you really think that's necessary, but personally i don't, and i'm all for you keeping it tight - i'm not suggesting that you take what should be a longer chapter and chop it up gratuitously, but rather that you really find the very center of the one chapter and get rid of the extra.
oh, i know i'm not explaining myself well here, sorry.
anyway, in keeping with how i feel about short chapters and such, my biggest criticism is that you're explaining too much and taking too much time to do it. as one of your readers, i really don't need to have it all written out for me, and i think your other readers are like me in this: i have a creative enough imagination to fill in the blanks myself. you can establish character without so much explanation! and if you can show it without explaining it, then the explanation will make the "showing" of it very anti-climactic. or if you can't show it, then it's not an essential part of the plot so don't even bother writing it. just keep it in your head for you ...
ah, one minor point (though i haven't gone through the reviews to see if someone else commented on this - if so, just ignore this): "telekinesis" is moving things with your mind, hence its roots in the word "kinesis" or "kinetics" (think "kiesiology") - a "telepath" is someone who reads minds through "telepathy" (think "sympathetic" or "empath")
seriously, i am looking forward to reading more and i really, really encourage you to keep up with it!
be well,
bint
hi petals!
it's a good story bec of the various tensions you've set up - it carries me through and keeps me reading, looking for movement. it's the plot that works for me, even though there are small inconsistencies - if you want, i can re-read and try to find them again to put them in a review for you, but if you'd rather i didn't, that's cool.
about the chapters being short - well, i'm not sure that longer chapters are really a good idea. keeping it short makes you dispense with trivial things and cut right to the heart of things. it's a good exercise for you to figure out what your own chapter is really about and how it fits into the whole picture. you could always flesh it out later if you really think that's necessary, but personally i don't, and i'm all for you keeping it tight - i'm not suggesting that you take what should be a longer chapter and chop it up gratuitously, but rather that you really find the very center of the one chapter and get rid of the extra.
oh, i know i'm not explaining myself well here, sorry.
anyway, in keeping with how i feel about short chapters and such, my biggest criticism is that you're explaining too much and taking too much time to do it. as one of your readers, i really don't need to have it all written out for me, and i think your other readers are like me in this: i have a creative enough imagination to fill in the blanks myself. you can establish character without so much explanation! and if you can show it without explaining it, then the explanation will make the "showing" of it very anti-climactic. or if you can't show it, then it's not an essential part of the plot so don't even bother writing it. just keep it in your head for you ...
ah, one minor point (though i haven't gone through the reviews to see if someone else commented on this - if so, just ignore this): "telekinesis" is moving things with your mind, hence its roots in the word "kinesis" or "kinetics" (think "kiesiology") - a "telepath" is someone who reads minds through "telepathy" (think "sympathetic" or "empath")
seriously, i am looking forward to reading more and i really, really encourage you to keep up with it!
be well,
bint
6/14/2007 c7 Stoker
I'm liking this story more and more. I was scared when you called it Romeo and Juliet with a twist, but then I read the rest of the sentence. I hate that play. Terribly. I like Blake a lot. I'm going to check out Say Hi to Your Mom right now. :)
I'm liking this story more and more. I was scared when you called it Romeo and Juliet with a twist, but then I read the rest of the sentence. I hate that play. Terribly. I like Blake a lot. I'm going to check out Say Hi to Your Mom right now. :)
6/14/2007 c7 13kstar129
OMG!make more!Shw's a freaking angel!Crap!Well she needs to fall!I like Blake better!He didn't kill one of his own kind just because she was falling for the enemy!Make more SOON!
13kstar129OMG!make more!Shw's a freaking angel!Crap!Well she needs to fall!I like Blake better!He didn't kill one of his own kind just because she was falling for the enemy!Make more SOON!
6/14/2007 c7 12it's only castles burning
ohmygod. the guy from school who i'm like in love with let me listen to Say Hi To Your Mom on his mp3 last semester and you just reminded me of him, so i'm sort of sad and sort of happy at the same time.
and the chapter was amazing.
12it's only castles burningohmygod. the guy from school who i'm like in love with let me listen to Say Hi To Your Mom on his mp3 last semester and you just reminded me of him, so i'm sort of sad and sort of happy at the same time.
and the chapter was amazing.
6/14/2007 c7 3I Quoth Nevermore
Ooh. Another fabulous update! LoL. I love how you hate Romeo and Juliet and I'm writing a story with ppl being in that play. haha. Anyways, great job. You write so well! Update soon!
3I Quoth NevermoreOoh. Another fabulous update! LoL. I love how you hate Romeo and Juliet and I'm writing a story with ppl being in that play. haha. Anyways, great job. You write so well! Update soon!
6/14/2007 c7 5dreamweaver138
wow, the last part is sad. i think i kinda felt like lux just by reading it.
keep up the good work!
dreamweaver138
5dreamweaver138wow, the last part is sad. i think i kinda felt like lux just by reading it.
keep up the good work!
dreamweaver138
6/9/2007 c6 6Gakuhaitsu
Loved the chapter. Ha. "Say you love me Blake!"
Don't know why there aren't a gazillion reviews for this story yet. LOL. Great job and... UPDATE SOON_
6GakuhaitsuLoved the chapter. Ha. "Say you love me Blake!"
Don't know why there aren't a gazillion reviews for this story yet. LOL. Great job and... UPDATE SOON_
6/4/2007 c6 givelifeyurall
uh very sexy? i like the whole dark versus light, but i think your right, everyone has bit of both inside. i feel bad for blake and wish that i could find a man like that haha
uh very sexy? i like the whole dark versus light, but i think your right, everyone has bit of both inside. i feel bad for blake and wish that i could find a man like that haha
6/4/2007 c6 3I Quoth Nevermore
Aww! Poor Blakey. I LOVE YOU! **coughcouch** Just kidding. Anywho. HE LOCKED HER IN THE ROOM! What will happen now? Hm...update soon!
3I Quoth NevermoreAww! Poor Blakey. I LOVE YOU! **coughcouch** Just kidding. Anywho. HE LOCKED HER IN THE ROOM! What will happen now? Hm...update soon!
6/4/2007 c6 5dreamweaver138
woo-hoo! two updates in a day! just one gramatical error (my elbows rather than me elbows), but no matter. hope you update soon!
dreamweaver138
5dreamweaver138woo-hoo! two updates in a day! just one gramatical error (my elbows rather than me elbows), but no matter. hope you update soon!
dreamweaver138