for The Black Pharaoh10/2/2007 c4 
9Alteng
Okay, I have finally got around to reading this. You have indeed put a bit more into the story than what I last read. A nice job on Narrinda being squeamish of the bugs. I can see that.
Of course, a comment for you on his vanity. She should be taking time to mess with her hair.
Other than that, not other complaints.
9AltengOkay, I have finally got around to reading this. You have indeed put a bit more into the story than what I last read. A nice job on Narrinda being squeamish of the bugs. I can see that.
Of course, a comment for you on his vanity. She should be taking time to mess with her hair.
Other than that, not other complaints.
6/16/2007 c2 Alteng
Okay, I get the first rerview. You knew I would, and I really should be in bed now, you know.
Anyway, I don't know about all of this as far as you not telling anything righ tup and out about what these guys are. I get it, because I have created these guys, but I am not so sure that other people would get it.
And Narrinda would have to "Ah, pooh" Alteng about braving the desert, and Alteng would have said something more like she could have been useful and brought water. You have him admit she is a good wife so easily.
As far as Deutsch in the taverns, Alteng would know that he is not much of a drinker nor a womanizer. There are some good lines about him though. The thing about the dog and its pedigree was funny.
I caught a discontinuity . . .
He then scooped out a small hole with his hands,
Alteng would like it too much to have that plural!
Okay, I get the first rerview. You knew I would, and I really should be in bed now, you know.
Anyway, I don't know about all of this as far as you not telling anything righ tup and out about what these guys are. I get it, because I have created these guys, but I am not so sure that other people would get it.
And Narrinda would have to "Ah, pooh" Alteng about braving the desert, and Alteng would have said something more like she could have been useful and brought water. You have him admit she is a good wife so easily.
As far as Deutsch in the taverns, Alteng would know that he is not much of a drinker nor a womanizer. There are some good lines about him though. The thing about the dog and its pedigree was funny.
I caught a discontinuity . . .
He then scooped out a small hole with his hands,
Alteng would like it too much to have that plural!