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for Not Another Sob Story

6/3/2007 c1 5President
I think the way you wrote and what you wrote was really great. I applaud to this one-shot.

However, more a constructive criticism than a basher, there might be a few things you should have considered: (take note I of course, am absolute unsure whether or not this advice can actually make you improve your writing or whatever.)

"I’ve deduced that one should never have a male best friend. Because you know what happens? One could hypothetically fall in love with him. It’s easy. I already love him as a friend and one day, I notice how strong his arms are, how blue his eyes, or whatever. I notice how all the girls are suddenly starting to notice him and, as a best friend, I get a tab protective."

Well if she's in love with him, do you not think, that even with her sarcasm, cynicism about love and all- that she shouldn't just say "I notice how strong his arms are, how blue his eyes, or whatever"? Shouldn't there be more feeling and romanticism in all that, I mean, even though she is quite a slut and all?

It might (take note: might) work for the good. Cause it makes the character well-rounded. Like, yeah, she maybe a cynic and all but she has a heart, she's "a romantic at heart" as you said I think in one of your poems.

But I don't know, I think it might make the one-shot worse too, given that it kind of makes her character quite inconsistent.

Oh and another thing, this one I'm quite sure you can improve: Blaire Thomas, pertaining to the point of view right?, was only in Italics. I mean, Italics was its only distinguishing feature- Italics was the only one that gave a hint that it's in Blaire Thomas' point of view. I think you should have done something better, something to empahsize it more like make it Bold, or have a line thing to separate Berlin's thoughts from Blaire's.

Or maybe you wanted it that way?

Well anyway, that's my review.

-Avius, from Reviewers_Found.
5/30/2007 c1 11effection
It's desperately sad how they're running around in circles. She's trying to get him to him by getting with a bunch of guys and it DOES get to him, but sends him the wrong message, so the reason he's not with her is because of how she discards those guys and it'll go forever and ever in this infinite loop and it's just so upsetting when we know they're passing each other in the same damn hallway if only they'll just run into each other! And... that was one of the longest run-on sentences I've ever written. :)
5/29/2007 c1 Aragorn is mine
Wow this totally meets the SCOW requirements and it's extremely good :D Hope you win :D
5/29/2007 c1 2Chesca Ellen
This is awesome! I know it's only a one-shot, but you should write more in a similar style - it was hilarious! Especially the lass' section at the beginning. I was chortling heartily. =D

Oh, the update for How to Seduce A Millionaire was great too!

Anyhoo, toodlyoo!

fran-ellen
5/28/2007 c1 18fredtheflyingfish
I love the approach you took on the biting thing. It's very uniquely awesome. And Blaire and Berlin are both cool. I like Blaire the most, but then again I'm a girl. Always gonna pick the hot, angstyful guy. So great story, and great job!
5/28/2007 c1 Cealex
:O And you just ended it THERE! damndamndamndadmnadmanit. But they'll get together eventually :P It was a cute story. The descriptions were hilarious. "colour of an unmarred banana" - just brilliant.
5/28/2007 c1 lexicon37893q09
This is a cool mix of funny and realistic. I really like it! I know its a one-shot, but a sequel might be funny as well.
5/28/2007 c1 9Sally Can Wait
UGH. SO SAD. So perfect. I loved it. :D I hope you win this challenge thingie. Seriously. I will vote for you if that is even physically possible.

-Sally Can Wait :D
5/28/2007 c1 463All Alone With Her Thoughts
Haha, great for a challenge. I hope you win!

Rowan.
5/28/2007 c1 195t-t-t-ouch
Well, for a story written on a challenge, I'd say its pretty good. And as for not having males as best freinds, I agree. It can be quite a disaster. The fact that this story can be so true to real life is what makes it good, in my opinion!
5/28/2007 c1 2Arialla
haha. I hope you win, because even with the requirements and conditions, this is such a cute story. =)

~ Aria
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