for Sleeping Hope6/19/2007 c1 
9seventhchords
I think what I loved about this piece was the sincerity and innocence of the two parties here. I really enjoyed reading those moments they shared together, and the ending truly does tug at the heartstrings. Beautiful piece. Great work.
9seventhchordsI think what I loved about this piece was the sincerity and innocence of the two parties here. I really enjoyed reading those moments they shared together, and the ending truly does tug at the heartstrings. Beautiful piece. Great work.
6/18/2007 c1 6McQuinn
Okay, before I completely gush and go all fan-girl with this story, I have to mention a few words of constructive criticism:
-beddy-byeat idiotically-scheduled barbecues they don’t want to beat - You forgot a few spaces in this sentence, and it was really confusing and difficult for me to understand until I realized that "byeat" meant "bye at" and "beat" meant "be at." So I think maybe you should fix those two mistakes up.
-Some of the language they use while speaking isn't the normal language of teenagers. I mean, I understood it all, but I don't think anyone would say, "...had not an unnamed loser decided to rob me of that pleasure with his stolid, obtuse, irrelevant question which I was forced to answer— for the protection of my shriveling eardrums.” It just seemed a little unnatural and very...written instead of *said.*
-Yeah. I didn’t see you.” she said - comma instead of period.
-“I Love you,” - no reason to capitalize "love."
-“I Love you, too.” - again.
-I still Loved her. - and again.
Okay, so I really liked this. I liked the small snippets of thier lives together, and I enjoyed how you started and ended with her asleep, and him continuing to love her. It was just too sweet, and yes...a little cheesy (guilty pleasure alert!). :p I liked how you used those two quotes - they connected well to the story, especially with their use of the word "hope." The only thing I would've like to seen more of is the period of time when she's sick. I think that could possibly make this story stronger.
Overall, I enjoyed and I look forward to reading more of your work.
-McQuinn
6McQuinnOkay, before I completely gush and go all fan-girl with this story, I have to mention a few words of constructive criticism:
-beddy-byeat idiotically-scheduled barbecues they don’t want to beat - You forgot a few spaces in this sentence, and it was really confusing and difficult for me to understand until I realized that "byeat" meant "bye at" and "beat" meant "be at." So I think maybe you should fix those two mistakes up.
-Some of the language they use while speaking isn't the normal language of teenagers. I mean, I understood it all, but I don't think anyone would say, "...had not an unnamed loser decided to rob me of that pleasure with his stolid, obtuse, irrelevant question which I was forced to answer— for the protection of my shriveling eardrums.” It just seemed a little unnatural and very...written instead of *said.*
-Yeah. I didn’t see you.” she said - comma instead of period.
-“I Love you,” - no reason to capitalize "love."
-“I Love you, too.” - again.
-I still Loved her. - and again.
Okay, so I really liked this. I liked the small snippets of thier lives together, and I enjoyed how you started and ended with her asleep, and him continuing to love her. It was just too sweet, and yes...a little cheesy (guilty pleasure alert!). :p I liked how you used those two quotes - they connected well to the story, especially with their use of the word "hope." The only thing I would've like to seen more of is the period of time when she's sick. I think that could possibly make this story stronger.
Overall, I enjoyed and I look forward to reading more of your work.
-McQuinn
6/18/2007 c1 1addicted2cocoa
This was a nice story, the title caught my eye.
I liked how you chronologically wrote about their meetings and their interaction was endearing.
I also liked your two characters and the way you progressed their relationship.
I'm not too sure about the ending though, it was a little unexpected but I suppose once you've read the story it fits in with the title. Personally, I'm fine with endings where the main characters don't end up together, as long as it is written well.
Overall I quite liked the one-shot it was sweet.
Leila
(reviewers_found)
1addicted2cocoaThis was a nice story, the title caught my eye.
I liked how you chronologically wrote about their meetings and their interaction was endearing.
I also liked your two characters and the way you progressed their relationship.
I'm not too sure about the ending though, it was a little unexpected but I suppose once you've read the story it fits in with the title. Personally, I'm fine with endings where the main characters don't end up together, as long as it is written well.
Overall I quite liked the one-shot it was sweet.
Leila
(reviewers_found)
6/17/2007 c1 Portrait Of A Dreamer
Oh god.
You had me smiling and laughing the entire way through. The end for me was so unexpected and it happened so quickly I literally read it then burst into tears.
This is the second tradedy story I've read in two days and its the second thats reduced me into a snivelling basket case / crying freak!
It was so damn sad. Crap. Give me a second..
Far out.
It was beautiful. One of those love stories that are really touching.. BUT For gods sake now I'm just sitting here typing and balling my eyes out.
I think the tiger lily thing got to me the most.
And then I just read the title and burst out into tears all over. Great.
Sorry. IT really was beautiful.. But now I've gotta go and pick up the rest of my dignity that I just cried into the gutter.
Beautiful.
Lena
Oh god.
You had me smiling and laughing the entire way through. The end for me was so unexpected and it happened so quickly I literally read it then burst into tears.
This is the second tradedy story I've read in two days and its the second thats reduced me into a snivelling basket case / crying freak!
It was so damn sad. Crap. Give me a second..
Far out.
It was beautiful. One of those love stories that are really touching.. BUT For gods sake now I'm just sitting here typing and balling my eyes out.
I think the tiger lily thing got to me the most.
And then I just read the title and burst out into tears all over. Great.
Sorry. IT really was beautiful.. But now I've gotta go and pick up the rest of my dignity that I just cried into the gutter.
Beautiful.
Lena
6/11/2007 c1 cookiemonster
That was one of the sweetest stories I've ever read...
It was sad...and heartbreaking...
I love the quotes. They are really good.
The quote at the end of the story has definitely become my favourite.
Yes, I know I am a very sentimental person but I am a hopeless romantic and I have a really soft spot for one-shots like yours that have a heartbreaking and tragic but beautiful ending.
It's stories like this that get me so torn because I wish that there could have been a happier ending, but then I don't because there the authors really know how to write a beautiful ending.
Yeah, well, I think you get what I'm trying to say now because I'm sure I've been babbling on about what a beautiful story this is for a while now!
Keep up the good writing! You come up with wonderful ideas!
Well, you're much more creative and imaginative than me anyway.
That was one of the sweetest stories I've ever read...
It was sad...and heartbreaking...
I love the quotes. They are really good.
The quote at the end of the story has definitely become my favourite.
Yes, I know I am a very sentimental person but I am a hopeless romantic and I have a really soft spot for one-shots like yours that have a heartbreaking and tragic but beautiful ending.
It's stories like this that get me so torn because I wish that there could have been a happier ending, but then I don't because there the authors really know how to write a beautiful ending.
Yeah, well, I think you get what I'm trying to say now because I'm sure I've been babbling on about what a beautiful story this is for a while now!
Keep up the good writing! You come up with wonderful ideas!
Well, you're much more creative and imaginative than me anyway.
6/6/2007 c1 1atlasaire
This reminded me of these too-good-for-tv-and-the-theatre films.
I love the quotes at the beginning and the end of the story, where do you find them?
I love the small amount of words you used to describe each person. It was like no matter how many descriptive words you used because when they talked, you found out the type of person they were.
I like the relationship between Hope and Jeremiah. They way this was written... it was like nothing mattered but them. And it all happened in a short amount of time (could I just imagine them being 50 or something at the end?).
I love the way the beginning of the story tied up with the end of the story. But uh, how exactly did Hope die?
1atlasaireThis reminded me of these too-good-for-tv-and-the-theatre films.
I love the quotes at the beginning and the end of the story, where do you find them?
I love the small amount of words you used to describe each person. It was like no matter how many descriptive words you used because when they talked, you found out the type of person they were.
I like the relationship between Hope and Jeremiah. They way this was written... it was like nothing mattered but them. And it all happened in a short amount of time (could I just imagine them being 50 or something at the end?).
I love the way the beginning of the story tied up with the end of the story. But uh, how exactly did Hope die?
6/3/2007 c1 5BeingMyself
I like how you connected the beginning and end by using the "The first time I met her" and "The last time I saw her." It was really beautiful and left some to the imagination, in that good way.
5BeingMyselfI like how you connected the beginning and end by using the "The first time I met her" and "The last time I saw her." It was really beautiful and left some to the imagination, in that good way.
6/1/2007 c1 18Sophomoric Sage
Thanks for the review! You really boost my ego, dontcha. Haha, thanks for it! I really appreciate it. :-)
I love this simple, sweet oneshot. It's heartwarming and genuine, and I wanted to bring out a box of Kleenex at the end...if I had one I would've. :P
"T-a-l-e-n-t" indeed, darlin'. Keep writin' for the world to see, because it's mahvelous.
~S. Sage
18Sophomoric SageThanks for the review! You really boost my ego, dontcha. Haha, thanks for it! I really appreciate it. :-)
I love this simple, sweet oneshot. It's heartwarming and genuine, and I wanted to bring out a box of Kleenex at the end...if I had one I would've. :P
"T-a-l-e-n-t" indeed, darlin'. Keep writin' for the world to see, because it's mahvelous.
~S. Sage
6/1/2007 c1 saccharinemisery
wow. that was very different from your first one shot:)) although both fics are great, think i like this one a bit more. :P prolly because there was character death. it makes me feel much more:))
it was wonderful, too how you had written the "the first time i saw her", "the second time i saw her", until "the last time i saw her". that was so... cool:D and the dates, too. also, i love how you had written that Hope was sleeping. it's like you do not want "hope" to die. :P oh, and the "L"ove. I like that:D
hannahh
wow. that was very different from your first one shot:)) although both fics are great, think i like this one a bit more. :P prolly because there was character death. it makes me feel much more:))
it was wonderful, too how you had written the "the first time i saw her", "the second time i saw her", until "the last time i saw her". that was so... cool:D and the dates, too. also, i love how you had written that Hope was sleeping. it's like you do not want "hope" to die. :P oh, and the "L"ove. I like that:D
hannahh
5/31/2007 c1 8JamieBell
Really beautiful story. If you don't mind, I'm going to pretend that the last time Jeremiah saw Hope was about sixty years later. :D Thanks for sharing!
Always,
Margaret
8JamieBellReally beautiful story. If you don't mind, I'm going to pretend that the last time Jeremiah saw Hope was about sixty years later. :D Thanks for sharing!
Always,
Margaret
5/28/2007 c1 Rose
That was adorably bittersweet and well written. You could really empathize with the guy and his love. So sweet.
That was adorably bittersweet and well written. You could really empathize with the guy and his love. So sweet.
5/28/2007 c1 4for keeps
Really well written. The dialouge was great, and the ending was perfect(ly sad). Lovely.
4for keepsReally well written. The dialouge was great, and the ending was perfect(ly sad). Lovely.
5/28/2007 c1 remae
I thought the whole "first time, last time I saw her" thing was geniues, and the ending was so good and so sad. There are a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but that's understandable since you didn't re-read it. well, anyways, keep writing!
I thought the whole "first time, last time I saw her" thing was geniues, and the ending was so good and so sad. There are a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but that's understandable since you didn't re-read it. well, anyways, keep writing!