for Fragile Existance8/9/2007 c1 
6concerto49
Said I'd review. Took awhile as I had to go eat :)
Felt some of the sentences were too long for its point - try mixing and matching long/short sentences for variety and watch out for too many conjunctions and such like that.
The character appearance description and all would have been better tied in with the story than being thrown out like that.
It started off a touch interesting - could have gave the starting character a more mysterious introduction and more of a suspense feel to start the story before the others interrupted. Play more with that.
Yeah you could do editing some of the typos - just go through it.
Think some of the parts could have been made more dramatic instead of simply glossing over it.
Perhaps also a touch more exploration into the characters, and description of the entire scenery/setting.
Anyhow. Cheers.
6concerto49Said I'd review. Took awhile as I had to go eat :)
Felt some of the sentences were too long for its point - try mixing and matching long/short sentences for variety and watch out for too many conjunctions and such like that.
The character appearance description and all would have been better tied in with the story than being thrown out like that.
It started off a touch interesting - could have gave the starting character a more mysterious introduction and more of a suspense feel to start the story before the others interrupted. Play more with that.
Yeah you could do editing some of the typos - just go through it.
Think some of the parts could have been made more dramatic instead of simply glossing over it.
Perhaps also a touch more exploration into the characters, and description of the entire scenery/setting.
Anyhow. Cheers.
6/7/2007 c2 12Nathan Ridge
It was good, though perhaps I should have tried waiting until I was more awake to read it...I just woke up, and so my typing seems to be suffering...but I digress, It really was a good chapter. For the moment, I don't think anymore background information is necessary, you just hinted that Erasmus and Kenadia have a history. Good luck with the whole updating weekly thing...I can barely update monthly...Anyways, that's bout all I have to say in my sleepy state of being, so, in the immensely famous last words, "I'll be back!" to review again with the coming of a new chapter.
12Nathan RidgeIt was good, though perhaps I should have tried waiting until I was more awake to read it...I just woke up, and so my typing seems to be suffering...but I digress, It really was a good chapter. For the moment, I don't think anymore background information is necessary, you just hinted that Erasmus and Kenadia have a history. Good luck with the whole updating weekly thing...I can barely update monthly...Anyways, that's bout all I have to say in my sleepy state of being, so, in the immensely famous last words, "I'll be back!" to review again with the coming of a new chapter.
5/29/2007 c1 Nathan Ridge
I'm glad someone knows the difference between criticism, and flames. Don't worry though, I am not the kind of match that just needs to be rubbed on Indiana Jones' five o'clock shadow to ignite.
I enjoyed the descriptive imagery, and I found your choice of characters interesting. Believe it or not, your summary is what drew me in, and helped accentuate the naughty habits of the girls. I can't wait to see what happens to the story as it progresses.
I'm glad someone knows the difference between criticism, and flames. Don't worry though, I am not the kind of match that just needs to be rubbed on Indiana Jones' five o'clock shadow to ignite.
I enjoyed the descriptive imagery, and I found your choice of characters interesting. Believe it or not, your summary is what drew me in, and helped accentuate the naughty habits of the girls. I can't wait to see what happens to the story as it progresses.