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9/14/2009 c1 9Narq
Jeez, this is such a beautiful story. I can't belive you did it like that... and yet, the ending was a bit annoying, it felt like because you didn't know what to do with your main character you had to kill her.

What you did with her obession with vincent was wonderful, and it was truly well done. I could follow her train of thought exactly and I found myself agreeing with her totally.

What confused me is Stephen... I mean, he seems to be a random character - the reader doesn't know much about him and then he just appears and rapes Linda.. yeah, you could elaborate a bit more on him unless that's your intention.

He is an exotic bird, stabbed of his own will by a dozen glittering arrows. I envy the hunter. - that is the most beautiful sentence(s) I've read tonight.

5/30/2007 c1 Ergot Dancer
Magical Realism. Yum. For that I love you already. Although I have to say, while your writing-style fits Magical Realism, there didn't seem to be anything particularly magical in the actual story.

"Let’s make this clear now. I am not most girls" - As soon as I read those words, my heart sank. But I recovered. And for someone who is not 'most girls' she fits one of the many stereotypes almost perfectly.

I can't think of much to say. Your writing is good,and some of the lines were quite close to genius. The last lines mainly.

"Get me started and I’ll rant on until someone gags me" I'd happily gag him. In Vincent you've created a character that I genuinely dislike. Is that a compliment? I guess it is. Take it as one anyway.

"and even (blasphemy!) shits just like everyone else" But don't worry, that's where the old suspension of disbelief kicks in - we can just pretend it doesn't happen. Vincent wouldn't do something like that, surely?

"“What have we done wrong!”" A question mark might be appropriate there. But as you say, it's a good question. Such the philosopher.

"What he sticks in me is neither sharp nor glittery" I think I'd be worried if it was. Although glittery might be fun.

It's a kind of interesting story. *favourites*

~The Dream Unicorn

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