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9/19/2007 c1 24Mistress of Eternity
"She never paints her nails anymore"

Beautiful.

-Anna
8/12/2007 c1 John Scott Brewer
When I read these I feel like I am looking over the shoulder of a photographer. The flashbulb has caught this poor girl this time and we are given a brief, almost voyeuristic glimpse into someone else's pain.

Brief and powerful like a gunshot.

Very nice Israel.
7/8/2007 c1 69this is britt
I LOVED THIS. (that needed to be in caps.) EXCELLENCE, it hit me!
7/2/2007 c1 24Sarah-Brighteyes
very sad... I was reminded of a passionless relationship of course..

Where you want to color yourself before you hold his hand...yet all you get is the wall

"I turned around, and my hand met the wall in a rush of brick and stars" I love this line. It is very beautiful... crashing... like death almost...
6/19/2007 c1 21tsym
Such power in so few words. Beautiful.
6/7/2007 c1 she smolders
Dreamers were never meant to feel broken, if you ask me, but it seems like the inevitable.

The way you describe the "rush of bricks and stars" is just gorgeous and the first two lines just beak my heart. I like this a lot.

Take care.
6/5/2007 c1 54kaylajac
i like the way this is a tiny scene. it doesn't try to encompass any bigger picture, not really. i had to read it twice, but not so much for comprehension as to fully absorb the words. [sorry if that doesn't make sense]

and props to you for the different images you lay out at first- her hands, the boy- and then you tie them together flawlessly. very nice.
6/3/2007 c1 Abdul Alhazred
These little snippets of life.

They are like flashbulb cameras in the dark of your mind aren't they?

They are strange florescent bugs that you let crawl onto the internet... I like them.

Keep it up Aslan.

Hm. The bottom text in this window tells me to tell you how to improve... You cannot improve true poetry, once spoken the words are released and beyond our keyboards.

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