for Off the Ice2/24/2012 c4 AmoreJess
I actually really really like this story, even though it's only four chapters in. I wanna know why connor is in a rut! Please update soon! I'm sure everyone would love a new chapter. It's been too long, lol. :D
I actually really really like this story, even though it's only four chapters in. I wanna know why connor is in a rut! Please update soon! I'm sure everyone would love a new chapter. It's been too long, lol. :D
12/29/2010 c4 
2phoenix1500
Did you remove this story from the MCFC (Meg Cabot Fiction Club)? If you did, why? Its a fantastic story and i really want to read more of it. Thanks! :D
2phoenix1500Did you remove this story from the MCFC (Meg Cabot Fiction Club)? If you did, why? Its a fantastic story and i really want to read more of it. Thanks! :D
12/28/2010 c4 Zoey
Wow! This is a really great story. Please write more soon!
Wow! This is a really great story. Please write more soon!
7/25/2010 c4 CanesFanCatty
It's been forever since I've been on FP or read this, but I just read what you've put up and I love it! I love hockey (can't wait for the season to start up again!) and I love that this story is about hockey... can't wait to read more!
It's been forever since I've been on FP or read this, but I just read what you've put up and I love it! I love hockey (can't wait for the season to start up again!) and I love that this story is about hockey... can't wait to read more!
7/24/2010 c4 natmarie
Small thing I noticed...the chapter title on the drop down menu is different than the one at the top of the chapter. Not sure which fits the mood better but I thought it would be worth mentioning.
You do hammer out quite long chapters. Just me being curious, but do the dates mean something or are they merely to show the passage of time? You do a good job of inserting new characters, and slowly revealing backstories which his nice...it's not all thrown at you all at once. Watch for some awkward phrasing...try reading the chapter out loud to help with flow and prevent overly long sentences etc. More interaction between Connor and Alex would be lovely as I'm guessing they are the pair the story is going to revolve around. :)
Small thing I noticed...the chapter title on the drop down menu is different than the one at the top of the chapter. Not sure which fits the mood better but I thought it would be worth mentioning.
You do hammer out quite long chapters. Just me being curious, but do the dates mean something or are they merely to show the passage of time? You do a good job of inserting new characters, and slowly revealing backstories which his nice...it's not all thrown at you all at once. Watch for some awkward phrasing...try reading the chapter out loud to help with flow and prevent overly long sentences etc. More interaction between Connor and Alex would be lovely as I'm guessing they are the pair the story is going to revolve around. :)
7/24/2010 c3 natmarie
I liked the guy interaction and switching of POVs in this chapter. More fleshed out and description which was nice for my imagination. A lot of dialogue, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You can learn a lot about characters from dialogue. The plot seems to be progressing with the insertion of Alex.
If you are still in need of a beta let me know. Check out my stories if you want to see what kind of writing I produce. I admit it is not perfect but I have experience and fit all of your criteria.
I liked the guy interaction and switching of POVs in this chapter. More fleshed out and description which was nice for my imagination. A lot of dialogue, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You can learn a lot about characters from dialogue. The plot seems to be progressing with the insertion of Alex.
If you are still in need of a beta let me know. Check out my stories if you want to see what kind of writing I produce. I admit it is not perfect but I have experience and fit all of your criteria.
7/24/2010 c2 natmarie
I'm a new reader so I guess I am blind to the rash changes. I love this version. It has a Mighty Ducks vibe (a great hockey classic). Nice set up of the characters. Perhaps try some more show rather than tell...so instead of stating who everyone is and how they act...try showing it by how they interact with others, how they act. Incorperate it into the rest of the story. Does that make sense? Great start though. I love switching POVs.
I'm a new reader so I guess I am blind to the rash changes. I love this version. It has a Mighty Ducks vibe (a great hockey classic). Nice set up of the characters. Perhaps try some more show rather than tell...so instead of stating who everyone is and how they act...try showing it by how they interact with others, how they act. Incorperate it into the rest of the story. Does that make sense? Great start though. I love switching POVs.
7/24/2010 c1 natmarie
Wonderful little prologue that has the hockey lover in my skating figure 8's. Artfully you capture the feeling the game and set up an unique story. I don't find many about hockey. :)
Wonderful little prologue that has the hockey lover in my skating figure 8's. Artfully you capture the feeling the game and set up an unique story. I don't find many about hockey. :)
7/23/2010 c4 1Kcoarra
I thought the chapter was good, it helps us realize that something is wrong with Conner if not physically then mentally.
1KcoarraI thought the chapter was good, it helps us realize that something is wrong with Conner if not physically then mentally.
11/30/2009 c3 3phelps112
found this story again, had read the original version, a while ago. I like the changes, and can't wait to read more. Don't worry about writing depressions I understand.
3phelps112found this story again, had read the original version, a while ago. I like the changes, and can't wait to read more. Don't worry about writing depressions I understand.