for Darkness Synthesis7/30/2007 c1 
11beatrice is hot
Comment: If there was a "violet sunrise", then dawn would not "awake to dusk"-that implies that day is turning to night, and sunrise means that night is turning to day. Just a thought.
In the last stanza, "Who's" should be "whose"-"Who's" means who is, and "who is death cannot escape serenity" is not, I think, what you were trying to say.
Also, this was pretty creepy, and I think that it would have been more meaniningful if it was shorter-I feel like you repeated the same idea over and over. My suggestion: compress it and draw another conclusion from it, and I think your poem will be more gripping.
11beatrice is hotComment: If there was a "violet sunrise", then dawn would not "awake to dusk"-that implies that day is turning to night, and sunrise means that night is turning to day. Just a thought.
In the last stanza, "Who's" should be "whose"-"Who's" means who is, and "who is death cannot escape serenity" is not, I think, what you were trying to say.
Also, this was pretty creepy, and I think that it would have been more meaniningful if it was shorter-I feel like you repeated the same idea over and over. My suggestion: compress it and draw another conclusion from it, and I think your poem will be more gripping.
6/5/2007 c1 gold against the soul
The imagery in this piece is marvellously atmospheric. You have an excellent way of manipulating your vocabulary to convey a sense of rhythm and motion. I enjoyed reading this - good work.
- gold against the soul
The imagery in this piece is marvellously atmospheric. You have an excellent way of manipulating your vocabulary to convey a sense of rhythm and motion. I enjoyed reading this - good work.
- gold against the soul