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for How To Save A Life

7/3/2007 c8 4bfoundwanting
First of all, I really like your story. It has an interesting plot that keeps evolving and characters that are slowly revealing themselves in intriguing and deep ways. I'm kind of nervous about submitting a review because I dont want you to think I am being out of place with my suggestions, but I do have some ideas of how you could maybe improve your story.

I only submit these suggestions because your story is so good to start with that I think a little tweaking is all it needs.

Most of the little things that I see as off come from the writing rather than the content.

First, I love how original and evocative your descriptions of everything from setting to thoughts are. For example you at one point said something about orange pulsating across the sky. But, I think that at times you use these dramatic descriptions too often which makes your writing a little bit sachrine and melodramtic.

Another thing is that, while your story overall is very well organized, at times you seem to go off in directions that you only assume the reader can follow, but really come off as abrupt.

For example this paragraph... "..When I thought he was oblivious, he suddenly coughed and shifted, his knee jerking back. I sighed and closed my eyes. Bile hammered at the base of my esophagus. I’d deleted it, but the e-mail had been stamped in my mind, behind my eyelids. Every time I shut them, I saw the words, bold and enlarged."

This is admittadly a mild example, but the sudden jump to the email seems almost out of place and feels as if the reader should have noticed something about it earlier but didn't.

Again, these are both small tweaks that come from my personal view of writing and shouldn't necessarily taken as true for other personal styles. But I hope my interest and avid reading of your story at least helps in that you know someone is invested in your story.
7/3/2007 c8 2LachelleMarie
I am so excited about your story. So has Myra have an actual eating disorder or is it just something that she needs to do to be in control? I know that sounds weird and most people would be like that it is the samething, but I have a feeling you understand what I am trying to say. Anyways, I am beginning to think that Aubrey is some sort of drug addict or is hooked on something. Somethings about him seem off and he is a very spontaneous lad. Oh and for my last comment I am so happy that there is an actual writer on here that has the a good music taste. I was thinking about it and the song by Hole Doll parts, especially the line that goes, I am doll eyes, doll mouth, doll legs. I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait. Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do. Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too. I want to be the girl with the most cake. I love him so much it just turns to hate. I fake it so real, I am beyond fke. And someday, you will ache like I ahce. Someday, you will achle like I ache. Sheesh that was a long review anyways update soon.
7/2/2007 c8 13xtotallyatpeacex
This looks good so far. Your characters are interesting and well developed as well. Looking forward to seeing where else this is going. :D
6/26/2007 c7 2LachelleMarie
I really love Myra. She reminds me of alot of teenagers today and I do admit a part of myself. The want and need to be perfection is so hard to keep up to and at the sametime now matter how perfect we try to be we are really falling apart and I am happy you really potrayed that. I like the fact that you don't have everyone fawning over her asking if she is okay because that is usually how the situation falls, no one really knows that the person is falling apart but they really are. Also I just wanted to ask do you listen to coldplay because they have a song called warning sign you should check it out. Oh and finally my last two things. I am happy to know that someone besides me listens to Hole, I love doll parts. Yes done rambling now with this review. Update soon!
6/23/2007 c6 Mina
You've really matured as a writer. You deserve lots of glowing reviews. I personally like how believable Myra is. A good heroine is always a plus. Write more, yes? :)
6/22/2007 c6 Nush
Nice! The e-mail. Wow. I love that it wasn't a call, a visit. It was perfect the way it was mentioned throughout the chapter and finally- revealed in the end. I don't like Alec for some reason- he gives off weird wibes...hm. I have completely fallen in love with Aubrey- he kind of reminds me of my boyfriend...lol.

Update soon!
6/15/2007 c5 ctolhouse
I can totally identify with Myra's college experience. My roommate's name wasn't Amy but she had many Amy-like tendencies (don't they all?). Drove me nuts.

And I'm glad you mentioned the being out of his league based on the school thing. It's totally intimidating and I hate the feeling.

But okay, so yay, I'm thrilled you're writing another full-length story. I really liked 'Anarchy in the UK' and I have a feeling I'll be saying the same about this story.
6/13/2007 c5 loversloveliarslie x
woo. =]. yayy,the new chapter is up. i liked it. please keep updating =]
6/13/2007 c2 2Blue Drifter
I'm seriously starting to like this story. You have a very nice voice and detail.
6/11/2007 c4 loversloveliarslie x
i love your story =]. its so .. real. its not dramatic or anything its just so realistic. its something that could happen to one of us in the future. i love it=] please keep updating.
6/11/2007 c1 Nush
Oh...and he's really mysterious...which is aggravating and makes me eager for the next chapter.
6/11/2007 c4 Nush
OMG! I get the feeling that this is going to be one of my favorite stories. But in all seriousness, I love this. The characters are all so multi-faceted- in combination with a lovely plot, I think i'm in love with this story and maybe even Aubrey too...lol.

Update soon!
6/7/2007 c1 Jen
What you have here is really good! In just one chapter, you've created several multi-dimensional people. I especially love your description of her parent's relationship, and I couldn't help but laughing at the answering machine message from her mom about the camera - can't say I haven't gotten that one before! I like Myra - she seems to be a very deep and intelligent character. All in all, this is totally realistic and well written. I can't wait to read some more!
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