for Forever Mine6/25/2008 c16 
33BoReD tO dEaTh
Omg i almost forgot bout this story. i still love it and i still hope you update it soon
33BoReD tO dEaThOmg i almost forgot bout this story. i still love it and i still hope you update it soon
6/20/2008 c12 4brandii
Hm. You have a very nice storyline going here, but you need to work on your plot development. The chapters that I've read up until now have been very much the same, so try and add a little more drama here and there. Also, develope your characters, make them grow. I haven't seen them change very much since the beginning of the story.
You have a good writing structure, but it does need work. Try exploring more with vocabulary and sentence structure, like describing the story through feelings, sounds, and tastes rather than listing the events. You do have potential, it just needs a little work :)
I don't mean any offense by this. Just giving a few tips :)
4brandiiHm. You have a very nice storyline going here, but you need to work on your plot development. The chapters that I've read up until now have been very much the same, so try and add a little more drama here and there. Also, develope your characters, make them grow. I haven't seen them change very much since the beginning of the story.
You have a good writing structure, but it does need work. Try exploring more with vocabulary and sentence structure, like describing the story through feelings, sounds, and tastes rather than listing the events. You do have potential, it just needs a little work :)
I don't mean any offense by this. Just giving a few tips :)
5/30/2008 c9 Weedman
I read 9 chapters and I think I decided I wanna be your editer or something, because you need one, no offense. I know, you're only 15 (14 when you wrote this) but if you want to improve your writing then you probably want some good tips.
It's a nice storyline, but very bad plot development. Very good characters, but very bad character devleopment. But that's just within 9 chapters. We'll see later.
This isn't meant to be offensive. -_-;
~Jako
I read 9 chapters and I think I decided I wanna be your editer or something, because you need one, no offense. I know, you're only 15 (14 when you wrote this) but if you want to improve your writing then you probably want some good tips.
It's a nice storyline, but very bad plot development. Very good characters, but very bad character devleopment. But that's just within 9 chapters. We'll see later.
This isn't meant to be offensive. -_-;
~Jako
9/2/2007 c14 33BoReD tO dEaTh
that is so sweet and sad at the same time. and very romantic. god i actually hope ther guys like that somewhere
33BoReD tO dEaThthat is so sweet and sad at the same time. and very romantic. god i actually hope ther guys like that somewhere
7/16/2007 c13 19ihrtbks
Just wondering...are you planning on making her pregnant? Clarissa's her aunt, right?
UPDATE SOON!
19ihrtbksJust wondering...are you planning on making her pregnant? Clarissa's her aunt, right?
UPDATE SOON!
7/15/2007 c13 1Drama-Geek-1662
Great Chapter, a great morning after scean, and I can't wait to read more!
1Drama-Geek-1662Great Chapter, a great morning after scean, and I can't wait to read more!
7/12/2007 c12 1Drama-Geek-1662
Good chapters I read both 11 and 12 before reviewing and I really like your story and can't wait to read more!
1Drama-Geek-1662Good chapters I read both 11 and 12 before reviewing and I really like your story and can't wait to read more!
7/11/2007 c11 33BoReD tO dEaTh
sorry i didnt read this one first but it is really sweet and romantic. sorry i dont usually put my feelings in words unless it is hate witch is easy
33BoReD tO dEaThsorry i didnt read this one first but it is really sweet and romantic. sorry i dont usually put my feelings in words unless it is hate witch is easy
7/11/2007 c12 BoReD tO dEaTh
that is so sweet. even though i don think i will find my luv any time soon that is adorable
that is so sweet. even though i don think i will find my luv any time soon that is adorable
7/11/2007 c12 3sporty452011
wow i love ur idea for this story. at first i was kinda like that was quick but reading more its perfect. keep it up!
3sporty452011wow i love ur idea for this story. at first i was kinda like that was quick but reading more its perfect. keep it up!