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6/28/2007 c1 20The Wandering Musician
Great story so far! I like how you incorporated cooking into the story (but I hope this isn't autobiographical at all, especially since I see that Bella has read and reviewed your story). As you might know, I am a horrible speller, but I think that "h'orderves" is spelled "hors d'oeuvres." Silly French people and their crazy spelling! Like Bella, I think you could definitely use a little more punctuation there (semicolons and colons as well as commas), but, to a certain extent, it is a matter of preference.

I hope that you are planning on posting more to this soon. I am always happy to proofread, too, so if you ever want someone other than Belle to proofread, send your chapter to me. :-) To be sure, she and I get into arguments about whether a comma is needed in a certain place all of the time, so she might not agree with what I change, but it's up to you whether or not you keep any of the changes either of us suggest.

Keep on writing!

~Daughter of the Faeries~
6/17/2007 c1 24Lady Isabella De Luca
Very cute opening chapter. I would be more liberal with comma usage, but I'm a comma addict so be wary. :-) You did a very good job of including a lot of information in the first chapter without dumping it all at once. I especially enjoyed the comments about Daniella's hidden lonliness and the unlying bitterness towards her mother. One of my favorite parts was-"She had too many memories of saying bye to her mother, and not very many of cooking with her, or talking to her mom about her day at school. She was sick of being second priority to her mother’s career. With that one phrase, “bye mom,” she was home alone…again." I look forward to reading more and learning more about the characters, especially delving into some of the ugly feelings hidded behind Daniella prim and perfect exterior.

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