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10/1/2007 c1 20Twilight Starr
Interesting poem.

Nice imagination. :)

~Twilight Starr~
6/15/2007 c1 94shookierewrites
Hi, lets start with some formatting issues that, if changed, could help make your writing more effctive. Firstly, in the 2nd and 3rd lines the repetition of "She is..." becomes very redundant; try losing the "She is" and adding "...A very lonely..." and "...a brilliant creation". Also in the 3rd lind "really" is all to vauge a word to use next to "brilliant", I would consider losing that as well. I like your use of rhyme. Next, after "the coast of Ireland" there should be a comma leading into "in the loch ness" then a semi colon following that to combine your two weaker sentences and make more of a flow for your poem. Good imagery, try using a thesaurus though for some of your adjectives. Effective ending! Leaving us wondering. Good Job over all!

-ShookieDoesntKnow

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