for Fine Line9/30/2008 c4 Enirethac
ha ha i went to see the next chapter because I was excited to see what happened next, and was disappointed :)
Doesnt happen too often.
This story rocks and there are nice long chapters as well which is always a plus. :]
ha ha i went to see the next chapter because I was excited to see what happened next, and was disappointed :)
Doesnt happen too often.
This story rocks and there are nice long chapters as well which is always a plus. :]
9/30/2008 c1 Enirethac
"Hey now; that's my butt," I said turning around with my hands on my hips.
"Well I made it," she mocked, putting her hands on her hips like me.
"Eww, Mom, gross!"
"Well it's the truth,” she laughed.
"Still, that doesn’t mean you have to say it.”
HAHAHA I say that all the time to my parents! The conversation goes exactly the same.
Love thee story so far :)
"Hey now; that's my butt," I said turning around with my hands on my hips.
"Well I made it," she mocked, putting her hands on her hips like me.
"Eww, Mom, gross!"
"Well it's the truth,” she laughed.
"Still, that doesn’t mean you have to say it.”
HAHAHA I say that all the time to my parents! The conversation goes exactly the same.
Love thee story so far :)
9/30/2008 c3 Trench Coats Suck
So does Ryan like her is he trying to hide oh how I need to know and one last thing what about the brother why is he never mentioned will he end up playing a role and seriously it is a lot like sleeping with the enemy have you read that
So does Ryan like her is he trying to hide oh how I need to know and one last thing what about the brother why is he never mentioned will he end up playing a role and seriously it is a lot like sleeping with the enemy have you read that
9/30/2008 c2 Trench Coats Suck
We all need a good beta in our lives lol I'm looking too, your story loved it but it sounds a lot like sleeping with the enemy have you read that and where's Ryans brother how old is he
We all need a good beta in our lives lol I'm looking too, your story loved it but it sounds a lot like sleeping with the enemy have you read that and where's Ryans brother how old is he
7/20/2008 c3 
9CB Scarlet
Hey, I like the concept of your story, but I do think it needs a little editing. I noticed you were asking for a beta reading in chapter two, and I'm volunteering my services. I'm a grammar nazi. :D
9CB ScarletHey, I like the concept of your story, but I do think it needs a little editing. I noticed you were asking for a beta reading in chapter two, and I'm volunteering my services. I'm a grammar nazi. :D
7/19/2008 c2 Counting Petals
Review Marathon! (-points to link on profile-)
Kate seems to overreact a lot to Ryan, and I'm having a hard time seeing it happen *that* often - maybe once in awhile, but not every time he does or says something. Like when he was trying to help her carry her stuff to his car after school. I know it's supposed to be a cover up because she's going to end up with him in the end, but it's been done so much, and you have to do it really, really well to pull it off.
Dot and Jacey were more realistic, though, even if they don't seem multidimensional. The whole obsessing over Ryan thing made sense coming from them, given how he's supposedly the hottest guy in school and all that. I might have reacted similarly in high school when I had encounters like that ;)
Review Marathon! (-points to link on profile-)
Kate seems to overreact a lot to Ryan, and I'm having a hard time seeing it happen *that* often - maybe once in awhile, but not every time he does or says something. Like when he was trying to help her carry her stuff to his car after school. I know it's supposed to be a cover up because she's going to end up with him in the end, but it's been done so much, and you have to do it really, really well to pull it off.
Dot and Jacey were more realistic, though, even if they don't seem multidimensional. The whole obsessing over Ryan thing made sense coming from them, given how he's supposedly the hottest guy in school and all that. I might have reacted similarly in high school when I had encounters like that ;)
7/19/2008 c1 Counting Petals
Review Marathon! (If you're confused, there's a link in my profile.)
I like the whole trying to get around the arranged marriage thing. It's an interesting idea, because it has the potential to get very, very fun. But the imaginary country bit reminds me of The Princess Diaries, and I don't want to be thinking of that when I'm trying to read this. And there were some irrelevant details that you stuck in from time to time that were a little distracting. If it's not necessary to what's going on around her, don't include it.
Review Marathon! (If you're confused, there's a link in my profile.)
I like the whole trying to get around the arranged marriage thing. It's an interesting idea, because it has the potential to get very, very fun. But the imaginary country bit reminds me of The Princess Diaries, and I don't want to be thinking of that when I'm trying to read this. And there were some irrelevant details that you stuck in from time to time that were a little distracting. If it's not necessary to what's going on around her, don't include it.
7/19/2008 c1 5inkspatters
Review Marathon! Check out the link in my profile.
Okay, so I like the way that you're writing this and I have to say it seems like a fairly interesting story, but there are a lot of plotholes. 1. How did her parents get to meet the King and Queen? Just saying, randoms don't generally become best friends with royals. So give us a story, are her parents wonderful architects who were called in to do work on the palace? Are they just filthy rich people who travel around in those social circles.
Also, if they live on a small island in the Pacific, why are there no Pacific Islanders? The descriptions you gave for all of your characters sounded very European. So perhaps, instead of setting it in the Pacific, make up a country in Europe and set it there. It'd work better and make more sense. You could keep the name Anavenia even.
Ok, moving on, if the royal family are their friends and she attends all of their parties and they want her to marry their son why does she always say 'Queen Anne' I mean surely she'd have gotten to the point of just saying Anne or Mrs. _?
Okay, that's about it, thanks for a good read,
-Ink-
5inkspattersReview Marathon! Check out the link in my profile.
Okay, so I like the way that you're writing this and I have to say it seems like a fairly interesting story, but there are a lot of plotholes. 1. How did her parents get to meet the King and Queen? Just saying, randoms don't generally become best friends with royals. So give us a story, are her parents wonderful architects who were called in to do work on the palace? Are they just filthy rich people who travel around in those social circles.
Also, if they live on a small island in the Pacific, why are there no Pacific Islanders? The descriptions you gave for all of your characters sounded very European. So perhaps, instead of setting it in the Pacific, make up a country in Europe and set it there. It'd work better and make more sense. You could keep the name Anavenia even.
Ok, moving on, if the royal family are their friends and she attends all of their parties and they want her to marry their son why does she always say 'Queen Anne' I mean surely she'd have gotten to the point of just saying Anne or Mrs. _?
Okay, that's about it, thanks for a good read,
-Ink-