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8/29/2007 c5 3starlit x sky
Ooh I'm really starting to like this!

More please!
8/29/2007 c4 starlit x sky
This is getting really good! I like it!
8/29/2007 c3 starlit x sky
Sorry I stopped reading at chapter 2. I had to go. Anyway, this is great so far!
8/27/2007 c2 starlit x sky
This is good, I like it.
8/27/2007 c1 starlit x sky
Ooh this sounds good so far!
8/27/2007 c5 1Frenchyesca
8/26/2007 c5 SummerBaby94
aww. i can't just dismiss michael. poor guy liked her forever and then she has to move as soon as he tells her! but owen's deffinately better or her. and i can't wait for them to get together. update!
8/26/2007 c5 28invizygirl
aw cute. i like owen. great work!
8/23/2007 c4 1Frenchyesca
Good chapter, they're getting longer. I like it, continue.
6/24/2007 c4 28woodstock1969
Hi again!

I think that the overall quality of your writing is really improving as the story moves along. I'm not sure why, but it's just something I noticed.

I like the fact that Isa seems sort of conflicted about Owen. Like, she doesn't want him touching her, but she wants him to come for her after class. It points to her insecurities and helps to make her a multi-dimensional character.
6/24/2007 c3 woodstock1969
Hey again!

Ok, now the last chapter sort of makes sense. I think things would be more fluid, though, if you just got rid of that chapter or worked it into another one somehow. It's not that it's bad, it would just fit better in a different spot.

I liked a lot of the similies you used in this chapter, like the name comparison and the idea about Isa turning into a lion and eating Kimberley. They add flavor to the story. I also liked your description of Isa's manic packing. It really shows her despair without her having to say "I'm upset."

Again, just a few little grammar errors here and there, but that's really easy to take care of, so don't worry too much about it.

Oh, by the way, I liked the whole idea of Veronica: someone the protagonist despises, but not without reason. If it's without reason, it sometimes just seems like the protagonist is looking for a reason to hate the person. That's not the case here. It's perfectly understandable that a girl would hate "the other woman." I like that sort of realism. :-D
6/24/2007 c2 woodstock1969
I'm back!

I like the basic idea of this chapter. I think it would be more effective, though, if the other person involved in the relationship was refered to in the third person rather than as "you." The use of second person there makes it sound more like a one-shot or poem.

So the question I have is this: is the speaker the same person as in the first chapter? If so, you should maybe just add a little something at the beginning of this chapter so that it connects. At the moment, I feel like it could be its own prologue. I do like that it sets up the reason for Isa's running away. The last sentence is quite effective. It makes one wonder what will happen when she runs away.
6/24/2007 c1 woodstock1969
Hey there! Here I am to help out, as promised.

First off, I like the philosophical musings at the beginning. It gives it depth. I also think it's great that you introduce the protagonist's past in the preface. It's such an important component of who a person is, so good job with that.

There are a few little grammar and word usage problems here and there, but nothing that can't be easily fixed. :-D

On to the next chapter!
6/20/2007 c4 23Sweetly Sarcastic
yay owen! veronica... ick. but owen has hazel eyes! yes! no one writes about hazel eyes- this excites me. please update soon!
6/20/2007 c4 28invizygirl
this looks cute. i like the storyline so far. update soon.
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