for The Praetor of Ioq3/28/2008 c2 ammi
WHY have you not come back to this beautifully-written beginning to write more?
WHY have you not come back to this beautifully-written beginning to write more?
6/22/2007 c1 
15Greenery
Rarely have I read such a captivating introduction. You've got me hooked in less than six hundred words! It's a powerful start. I'm intrigued by the workings of this world, and you seem to have it planned out quite nicely. I like the rundown of the kingdoms in the first paragraph. It's short, but descriptive and to the point. It's perfect.
I have a problem with only one tiny thing, which is trivial at best:
". . . has proven this quite completely." - quite seems unecessary here, like you're just throwing the word in to make it more eloquent. It's not needed. Of course, I do it all the time, so I shouldn't talk. For some reason, I just noticed it in this case.
On story alert. I hope to see the next chapter soon.
15GreeneryRarely have I read such a captivating introduction. You've got me hooked in less than six hundred words! It's a powerful start. I'm intrigued by the workings of this world, and you seem to have it planned out quite nicely. I like the rundown of the kingdoms in the first paragraph. It's short, but descriptive and to the point. It's perfect.
I have a problem with only one tiny thing, which is trivial at best:
". . . has proven this quite completely." - quite seems unecessary here, like you're just throwing the word in to make it more eloquent. It's not needed. Of course, I do it all the time, so I shouldn't talk. For some reason, I just noticed it in this case.
On story alert. I hope to see the next chapter soon.
6/22/2007 c1 10Koki Enwai
I'm really liking your prose. You have such a way with words, you know? This is getting really interesting. I particularly liked the last line, "But above all ... never trust the left-handed." It has such a mysterious ring to it, I'm hooked.
Keep up the great work. You've got tons of potential.
10Koki EnwaiI'm really liking your prose. You have such a way with words, you know? This is getting really interesting. I particularly liked the last line, "But above all ... never trust the left-handed." It has such a mysterious ring to it, I'm hooked.
Keep up the great work. You've got tons of potential.