1/19/2008 c1 Kakyou Takashiro
Ah, it's not too often you get to a one shot anymore, a decent one at that, and semi-erotic and brutal one even more to the point. Of course, as always, your descriptions are beautiful - well maybe that's not the word - but certainly vivid and engrossing, tangible and almost real.

The title really does tie in well here too, and the over all effect of reading the fiction does leave a nice chill next to your skin and almost asks the author to present more. However, I must say - even this is a common problem for most other one-shots I have read... one shots aren't poems in prose form, they maybe short but they still a story.

Now that is not to say that there is no story, there is, just that I wanted to see more of it. I do think it would have taken some chunks away from the effect and flow of the prose here, but there is a way to do it - sliding in flashes here and there helps. I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that if this one-shot here was acted out, it probably wouldn't take that long, and most one-shots like works of poe, really does fill have a chuck of story in it.

Of course, never having written a true one-shot myself, i think it would rather arrogant of me to critique this piece like this. Especially with such vivid descriptions, such tangible and "sexy" characters and actions, and such command of language, diction, and prose. I'm am very confident that with more story and development in here, this would have been as close to perfect as any one-shot i've read would have been. Of course, it was without doubt a delightful read - i think of it as just a scene from a bigger story - which worked out very well, and if nohting else is quite a display of your artistic talent, style, and skill.

Thoroughly impressed,

kakyou