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8/24/2007 c11 3TiReD oF tHiS bOrInG tOwN
it was good and i am not review cause i want a cookie but thanks for the offer
8/22/2007 c11 The Little Box of Ideas
What kind of cookie are we talking about here? I want a sugar cookie, or an oatmeal cookie. You do know I'm going to take you up on that :D. Anyway, yes, great chapter! I like how, when speaking to Bria, no one is speaking their native tongue. I wondered myself how everyone was speaking English.

As for the "He" the Emperor referred to, it would be funny if he meant Marah. Not funny haha, but just... a funny coincidence.

I can't wait for more to read. It's getting busier and busier here at work, but I still make time for your story... and mine.

Well, good luck with the next chapter! It'll be great!

Hm... just noticed that new story...
8/21/2007 c11 8A-wolf-called-Skya
yay!

-does exaggerated curtsy-

...

-fell over-

-_-;

-ashamed at self-

I like this chapter, it did some good explaining of different things. i'm curious about the tour.

Are you sure bran is that much older than Bria? i still think she should have a relationship with him. its just, from the way they act towards each other...it just screams foreshadow there for some reason.

he could be her sugardaddy! -roflmao-

oh noz, that could be very funny...

I always think he's younger though! for example, my guys are rough 19 (drandez) and 17 (Tyrael). then Kao would have been in his late 30s if he was still alive. of course, it doens't matter as much for aeriskans; he'd still look quite young since they have a slightly longer life span than humans (150 years or so) so consequently, they stay younger looking longer.

there isn't anything for me to really say; i'm a bit distracted i guess, but you know me...

to start randomly blabbing now, since i'm starting to begin already...

I have found the answer to all my problems in my planning. bad news; i have to go back and fix several little hints. it amazingly solves everything i was missing, and it fits pretty snuggly together.

more bad news; i likely will not put more up for the reason that this time it'll be my finally rewrite, and the right one. i can't have it drifting online, despite how much i'd like to...

:(

however!

if you're willing to read it as i go and finish it in private, i'll send it to you for that purpose since i trust you not to do anything with it xD

It's my baby, and you know i'd be devastated... i'm getting a bit too protective of this idea towards the end of it now.

but now i'll fix that blip at the start and what not, and flesh it out.

it'll be smexy action and good twistyness perfected now! everyone has motivation that makes sense, and trust me; a lot of different views on the same thing.

and races...

.

but yesh.

anyways, i will keep reading and i will begin yet another rewrite tomorrow, i think! xD

just when i thought i was out of the bad Laura/Laera zone... i'm so sick of writing that beginning...

-sigh-

can't wait till chapter 12! now you're going faster than me since i'm technically receding to the first chapter again xD

see you on yahoo!

good writing,

-Rachel.
8/17/2007 c10 The Little Box of Ideas
“I was sent by our masterto give you this message..." and “It was the Emperor’s rely.” I know, I'm being nitpicky, but I'm sure you can figure out the typos here. Btw, I really don't mind if you go through my story and do the same. I can't catch them all.

As for the switch to Sandra, it wasn't too abrupt or random. It showed the fact that Bria's Earth body is effected by what's going on in Arenthia. The fact that she's thinner, for not eating as much as normal and that she smiled when the dress was put on. If that was not your intention for us (well, I suppose I should say me, as I don't know the other readers thoughts on this) to understand then... you do what you like. I like it the way it is and it fit perfectly with my scatterbrain. XD.

I find it strange that Bria didn't know they were speaking in code... Oh well, I guess I'm just used to speaking in code myself. XD

Also, I have a new opinion of Marah. Still love him, that hasn't changed, but I think he's kind of on his own side in this. He seems to want to look out for Arenthia and the reason he pulls out his knife on Bria is because he's not so sure she's trustworthy. He feels about her what she feels about him. He seems to know a lot but he doesn't know everything, like where she comes from. But he knows that she's there to help so he gives her information to help her out.

Now I'm blabbing and making specilations on your story and probably sounding like an idiot. So, I'll get back to calling people, like I'm supposed to and talk to you later.

Oh, and I plan on having chapter... seven? out before your trip. XD
8/17/2007 c10 A-wolf-called-Skya
ooh shit!

MY LIP'S BLEEDING...

and no, i'm not on any drugs... oh! a UNICORN! :O

-typing one handed due to keeping shredded lip together-

I actually quite liked this chapter. i like marah, and i'm pretty sure he's toeing the line between the countries for his own needs or wants. damn. . .my lip. . . that, and theory number two is. . .DAMN MY LIP!. . . he's Bran's Dad. i'm more inclined towards the first theory at this time.

and damn my lip. . .

I really liked the banter in here, and the bran detailing, but i can't help thinking he's younger than you say he is! they just seem so pairable, you know. . . people are going to be commenting on that soon, if not already.

Unlike my too fast, too little polished chapters, i only saw two maybe things in there, but i really can't decide on whether they were off or not. and then i forgot where they were, so i can't paste them. otherwise, i would.

dang my lip. . . oh, its clotting. good.

back to topic. . .

no, this chapter had just the right amount of detailing in it. it read smoothly, it had a flow, and the description didn't stop the story one bit, it just embellished it.

stop worrying so much ;)

oh DAMN!

my lip. . . :(

good writing,

-Rachel.
8/14/2007 c9 3TiReD oF tHiS bOrInG tOwN
i like the menicing guy Marah. he just seems to fit. it is kinda expected u just dont no when he will appear type of thing. keep going please and thank u
8/12/2007 c9 8A-wolf-called-Skya
Yup, i definitely love the new character; he's like your Drandez of your story! we're going to be fangirls of our dark dudes! yay!

will we see any romance perk up? the hint at "The man relaxed slightly, as though he had almost been worried she would take the hard way. " had me thinking that.

haha, i found the first part interesting and all, but i found this part was the sucker, since i love these characters xD

oh, this also reminded me, in how he came and had a knife and what not of the moment in DS in what i'm writing where Anya is all freaking out about Drandez and sekaya wonder's if he's a "serial rapist" haha!

man, i'll post them soon, but...it needs some polishing. i'm going to stop lazing and polish it like it was before, or at least bring it oup till it reads more like before. at the very least, i have to do heavy polishing when its done XD so it'll be done sooner or later.

i have 3 chapters done, and counting. but not edited. had a tree moment after a huge speech, etc. its been awesome to write, with my dark dude! tea moments!

ah god...i'm hungry at nearly three in the morning. i try to avoid three in the morning for getting food because of the ghost being really active from 3 till 4am. -_-

anyways! can't wait for the tenth! see you on yahoo sometime! ^_^ continue our character blabs and brainstorm and teasee each other about later in the story! its gotta be one of the greatest parts of writng, i think, huh?

anyways /blab.

good writing!

-Rachel.
8/11/2007 c9 The Little Box of Ideas
Gah, too tired to sign in. A most excellent chapter. I laughed quite a bit about Bran not liking windows (again) and the "...this guy told the Portal...". All rather amusing.

There is only one thing I found this time around and that is: "...the Emperor summoned Bran and I to a private conference..." - This would be Bran and me. It would sound funny if you said "The Emperor summoned I to a private conference..."

I will admit, I'm glad I'm catching a few things. After this whole business with semicolons, I was quite worried that I was losing it.

Anyway, great chapter. And although I do like Marah, Bran is starting to grow on me. Opposite to the end, eh? XD

Until next time!
8/10/2007 c1 1Narc
One of things I liked most about this story so far was how it varied from other 'going to another world' type fantasies, in that she's leaving her body behind.

I didn't see the point behind starting the story ten minutes ahead of when the scene started. It also made the scene a bit jumbled, since you then end up having a double-flashback talking about the dream inside of the ten minutes ago. In fact, the place where you chose -not- to start it, where the man actually arrives, is a better hook.
8/10/2007 c8 3TiReD oF tHiS bOrInG tOwN
i like it. I am never going to guess who told then bout Bria. and i am guessing that Bria is going to fall in love with some here right. it just seems like it
8/9/2007 c8 14The Little Box of Ideas
Hey look! I signed in for once!

I know I've already told you, but just because I'm me and I can, here it is:

"There were a handful of travelers..." -handful is singular. That would be was, not were.

In other news, great chapter. Got a few weird looks from co-workers when I laughed but that's their problem.

Well, my co-worker and I are eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Until next time!
8/9/2007 c8 8A-wolf-called-Skya
yay! another one!

i adored the ending of this chapter... i LOVE mysterious people, she this was perfect to me.

and he has a bird. ^^

lol! i can't blame you if he turns out to be your fave character in the end ;)

i'm curious to know who he is and where he comes out standing in the story.

it is nice getting out of forests, isn't it?

I'm glad to be finally in a place where i'm staying still fro more than 2 or 3 chapters. Bearande, here we come... -lightsaber moment-

...

i noticed that some bits you faltered a bit with the owner of the inn...

It sounds like she'll whore Pell and Bran out if they don't pay! xD

lol!

that was the first thought i ahd come to mind when i read that paragraph.

i don't have much more to say...i am extremely hyper though, so ehre comes the BLAB ATACK! :O

-

i forgot to say in my review reply to you that i'm glad you like how sekaya is coming across, in thoughts; sekaya is more like me than any of the other characters. i even did a quiz up on it, and al of my friend who even read chapter one instantly said i was most alike to her, haha...ha...

ever since i started with the word odd in it, i can't stop laughing when someone says it in real life!

XD

i'm bad.

oh i'm being exorcised now...

i will post fast :)

-/end BLAB ATACK...

can't wait!

good writing,

-Rachel.
8/8/2007 c7 3TiReD oF tHiS bOrInG tOwN
it is really good. it was interesting.
8/8/2007 c7 8A-wolf-called-Skya
LOL!

we both have doodling characters... (sekaya drew a portrait of Kao in the 3rd rewrite of the second chapter and had no clue who it was or how it seemed so familiar)

anyways, to the review, then i'll blab...

-

you're characters are really coming out now. i think you're getting more attached to them and used to their patterns of thought, so thats great! it reads more intently... if i can describe right...

you're description is doing great (compared to how i keep lazing off.. .) but i thought it read a bit rushed at the very very beginning of the 5th chapter.

other than that, i'm really interested to see where it goes from nw on!

i was pretty sure Bran's father was a considered conspirator against them-explain his moodiness- but i wasn't sure if he was just like Drandez. -huggles-

i'm curious to see how she'll handle the real time visions/lapses, and what her power is.

very curious.

-

blab time:

i updated the 3 new chapters, as a heads up- proud of myself, to an extent-i rushed a quite a bit. the dialogue came out fine, and i got the bare minimum but... i'm just not happy with anything except the 8th chapter and bits of the 6th and 7th (mostly with drandez, my favorite character! i can't stay off writing him...)

and i'm sick, so i can't really focus on ging over them to heavily polish the description till it reads properly. :/

i feel bad.

of that...

i get into dra's head a bit. ^_^ i decided it would be ok to do more heavy hinting again, since we're close to it al spilling over the top of the boiling pot...

i'll shut up now...

-/end random blab.

anyways, keep updating! i'll make sure i review it asap when it comes out!

wish me luck in the singing comp this thursday too!

-waves-

good writing,

-Rachel.
8/7/2007 c7 The Little Box of Ideas
"How could compulsive drawing save Arenthia?"

I love that! And I would have to agree. Unless it was something along the lines of compulsively drawing the plans the enemy has. I dunno. I'm ready for the next chapter. So is my friend at work. So, please update sooner rather than later. Ah, I dread back to school...
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