12/8/2011 c1 46SwimmingThroughExistance
nope! noot confusing at all:) i loved it, and i'm glad you didnt make it incest- it may be okay to some, but its not my cup o' tea... thanks for sharing! this was funny, well-written and a thougoughly enjoyable read:)
nope! noot confusing at all:) i loved it, and i'm glad you didnt make it incest- it may be okay to some, but its not my cup o' tea... thanks for sharing! this was funny, well-written and a thougoughly enjoyable read:)
6/20/2010 c1 5MonKay
I actually like the way you wrote this, it made it more entertaining and I had to read every bit of it to figure it out. It reads like a movie script. I like the story too. It reminds me of when I was little and I thought being "cousins" was synonymous with being betrothed...but I've since figured it out (:
I actually like the way you wrote this, it made it more entertaining and I had to read every bit of it to figure it out. It reads like a movie script. I like the story too. It reminds me of when I was little and I thought being "cousins" was synonymous with being betrothed...but I've since figured it out (:
6/20/2010 c1 11watercolour dreams
Hahaha. That was very entertaining. It reminds me so much of my best friend and her cousin. Not that she's a cheerleader and he's a goth, just the constant hilarious bickering. Lolz. I loved it. Nice writing. It gave me a good laugh.
Hahaha. That was very entertaining. It reminds me so much of my best friend and her cousin. Not that she's a cheerleader and he's a goth, just the constant hilarious bickering. Lolz. I loved it. Nice writing. It gave me a good laugh.
3/20/2010 c1 10random smiles
The story's really cute and original. It was great to read since the pace was quite fast. The confusing part was the last part although it's quite understandable if read over again.
I like it :)
The story's really cute and original. It was great to read since the pace was quite fast. The confusing part was the last part although it's quite understandable if read over again.
I like it :)
12/16/2009 c1 14Beautiful Destination
This is cute :) I really liked the twist about Evan and Maya being cousins...very original. Great job!
This is cute :) I really liked the twist about Evan and Maya being cousins...very original. Great job!
12/9/2008 c1 23Jem the writer
Yes, it did definitely get a little confusing towards the end, but I thought it was a very cute piece!
Good job with all the speech.
Yes, it did definitely get a little confusing towards the end, but I thought it was a very cute piece!
Good job with all the speech.
8/12/2008 c1 Green Eyed Angel
No, it's ok. Everything's crystal clear. It would be nicer if you made a video out of it. It's a bit in script form, you know? But the story is good.
No, it's ok. Everything's crystal clear. It would be nicer if you made a video out of it. It's a bit in script form, you know? But the story is good.
7/30/2008 c1 2Chelseamuffin
Hee, I liked it! I'll admit, it got a bit confusing towards the end. Like.. the last little bit there, where it says:
"We don’t hate each other that much, anymore, in case you haven’t noticed.
Yah, Maya, considering we’re dating each other’s best friends.
Speaking of which, you hurt her and—
You’ll slaughter me into a million pieces, I know.
And you’re allowed to rip my eyes out if I hurt him.
I’m kinda hoping you will, just so I can do that.
Oh shut up, you two.
Yah seriously, won’t you ever stop bickering?
No.
No.
-rolls her eyes- This is hopeless, isn’t it, Ozzy?
-quirks his eyebrow- Do you even have to ask, Sandra?
-together- Oh shut up, you two!
-together- And how are you going to do that?
Evan?
Maya?
-together- Like this."
Other than that, you made it fairly simple to see who was talking, and I noticed the pattern throughout- Maya's POV, she's the one that starts the dialogue in the flashback. Evan's POV, he starts the dialogue in the flashback. That always made it easier for me to figure out who was talking.
This was a clever one-shot! It was different, and at first, I was like, "Okay, well, if they're family and hate each other so much, where is this going?" But at the mentions of the best friends, I kind of figured it out.
It was cute, and now I have to go and bring my own cousins to their swimming lessons. ; )
Hee, I liked it! I'll admit, it got a bit confusing towards the end. Like.. the last little bit there, where it says:
"We don’t hate each other that much, anymore, in case you haven’t noticed.
Yah, Maya, considering we’re dating each other’s best friends.
Speaking of which, you hurt her and—
You’ll slaughter me into a million pieces, I know.
And you’re allowed to rip my eyes out if I hurt him.
I’m kinda hoping you will, just so I can do that.
Oh shut up, you two.
Yah seriously, won’t you ever stop bickering?
No.
No.
-rolls her eyes- This is hopeless, isn’t it, Ozzy?
-quirks his eyebrow- Do you even have to ask, Sandra?
-together- Oh shut up, you two!
-together- And how are you going to do that?
Evan?
Maya?
-together- Like this."
Other than that, you made it fairly simple to see who was talking, and I noticed the pattern throughout- Maya's POV, she's the one that starts the dialogue in the flashback. Evan's POV, he starts the dialogue in the flashback. That always made it easier for me to figure out who was talking.
This was a clever one-shot! It was different, and at first, I was like, "Okay, well, if they're family and hate each other so much, where is this going?" But at the mentions of the best friends, I kind of figured it out.
It was cute, and now I have to go and bring my own cousins to their swimming lessons. ; )