
1/17/2008 c1
102Midnight In Eden
In terms of your tenses, I'm thinking that this might work better:
the sunlight refrats off the water that’s soaking your skin
turning you into a thousand fragmented rainbows
that bend and break to make you beautiful
Otherwise the piece is almost too fast paced. Aside from that I really like this simplicity here. If you looked at doing something else like this though I'd try to vivid it up a bit more.
Midnight

In terms of your tenses, I'm thinking that this might work better:
the sunlight refrats off the water that’s soaking your skin
turning you into a thousand fragmented rainbows
that bend and break to make you beautiful
Otherwise the piece is almost too fast paced. Aside from that I really like this simplicity here. If you looked at doing something else like this though I'd try to vivid it up a bit more.
Midnight
7/11/2007 c1
88multiples of six
This is too short. It's like a teaser. I mean, that was probably the point.. to just kind of grab you and then stop. But I wish there was more! =)

This is too short. It's like a teaser. I mean, that was probably the point.. to just kind of grab you and then stop. But I wish there was more! =)
7/11/2007 c1
13hicetnunc
this is really sweet :) but i do think that you might need some commas or something? to make it easier to follow. i know i had to read the first line a few times to get it.
or perhaps, that is a technique or you did this on purpose to make it look less complicated?
not sure, but good job! :)

this is really sweet :) but i do think that you might need some commas or something? to make it easier to follow. i know i had to read the first line a few times to get it.
or perhaps, that is a technique or you did this on purpose to make it look less complicated?
not sure, but good job! :)