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for The Medical Machine

11/9/2007 c1 30Raiyune
Your writing is as amazing as I remember it to be. I say that because I haven't been on FictionPress for the longest time and I remember that I liked your writing very much... Heh.

The poem itself is very simple... the fourth line seems somewhat forced but it's not a big deal... and the last line, the rhythm seems kind of off.. But I think it's great how you have a point in all of this... I can't seem to do that very well.. to have a clear-cut message in my writing. Ah well!
7/11/2007 c1 16Vost Thenen
Good rhyme scheme and some really creepy description. A good poem but unfortunately the rhtyhmn is really off in the first two and last two lines, which could probably benefit from an edit. Still though, minor complaints for a good poem.
7/11/2007 c1 28Ivy Shoelaces
*shudders* ugh, I hate hospitals! Very spooky, and the imagery is very god. I loved the line "Pfizer will excite again." It made me laugh.
7/10/2007 c1 243Manuel Fajar
Nice rhyme. Love it. It's only scary if you don't believe we're machines, but then most of us know we are. m
7/9/2007 c1 SlutGarden
This was real shiny, I loved the diction and the flow of this. It even made me hate hospitals, and I love hospitals. my favorite line was "Paper cups with happy pills" it seemed so happy in a macabre way. Realy shiny yeah, -D.

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