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for Blackbeard's End

8/28/2011 c1 69AlysonSerenaStone
I saw Priates 4 and it has gotten me intereseted in Blackbeard. Well writen historical fiction
7/5/2010 c1 12lianoid
The pirates were here for the ship, for it was a sturdy boat, and not treasure, for there was little or none of that here.

-I didn’t really like this sentence. That’s just me, though.

The ship I'm on now belongs to Blackbeard, it sails along side the Queen Anne's Revenge, and I have not the vaguest notion as to what he does with stowaways. Specifically female stowaways.

-That was a nice little surprise. I don’t know why, but I had just assumed the narrator was male. Hmm, this adds a bit more drama to the piece, I suppose.

I was rather terrified when she was suddenly discovered. I liked how she breathed a sigh of relief. It thought it was oddly realistic.

Your style of writing in this piece threw me off for the first little while. I think it’s just how you word things and your sentence structures that I found rather unique. It took me a while to become fully engrossed in it, but by the end I definitely was. I think this was a really interesting piece, and I especially love the part where Blackbeard is being sliced and diced without dying. I thought you described that part really well, and it certainly held my attention. I was right freaked out when I read it, to be honest. Excellent job with this.
7/4/2010 c1 23AvidWriter-92
I love pirate stories, and I loved this retelling of Blackbeard's death. :) I agree with you. His death did seem a little unfair in a way. I thought that you described the fighting scene well from another person's pov. :) It was pretty creepy that Blackbeard didn't even seem to feel any pain... :/

Anyway, great job on this. :) I enjoyed reading it. :D

~Avid. Roadhouse 6/9
12/19/2009 c1 4lookingwest
How clever! I like how you took this idea and ran with it, it's really creative!

I like the fact that you used a woman stowaway for your narrator, that was really great because it built up tension during the whole piece and I wasn't sure if she would get caught or what would happen-that said, I like how it ends with the man kind of calling her out for it-so exciting!

I also like the way you handled how Blackbeard tied-dude, I had no idea. That was really crazy, XD. I like how you describe it because it's not too in detail but it stays instead, action-oriented, which is great!

from the review marathon (link in my profile)
4/26/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
[“A man like that,” the speaker walked up to stand beside me. ]

The part following the dialogue isn't a tagline. The comma after "that" should be a period.

[“Why,” the crewman muttered, “It’s a boy!”]

It's shouldn't be capitalized, as it's a continuation of the first quote.

- Review Marathon, link in profile.
2/17/2009 c1 4B. J. Winters
*bonus date*

I'm starting to run out of things to review for you...

I liked the premise and the ending. Your descriptions of the pirates were clear and action oriented. I could see the fighting.

This line was not clear and very cliche - I'd change or delete it: I was downright terrified, and before I knew it, my decision was made for me and I was alone on the ship I didn’t even know the name of.

You start the story with "I" - that's risky. I challenge you to find a published work that does that (someone else challenged me on this and believe me I've looked). Here is why - it throws the reader to start with that word and no context. It's better to open with a scene then to use that particular pronoun because the reader can't see and visualize. You need grounding. Readers can't care about some anonymous "I". Just something to think on for future.
12/1/2008 c1 8Memrat
Your writing is brillant! I felt like I was actually there witnessing Blackbeard's demise along with the heroine. And the devil character, genius!
6/1/2008 c1 10C.M.F Wright
I really like the tone of this piece. It's humorous and faintly sarcastic and I think it works really well.

You describe the action scenes fairly well - nice job there. I could picture the fight really clearly. Parts of the flow feel a bit fast - I thought it an odd coincidence that they would discover her mere seconds before seeing an enemy ship, for example.

But I absolutely loved the twist at the end. The part with the devil took me totally by surprise. Bravo. I'm not entirely sure I like the last sentence, though; the end felt a tad bit abrupt.

Overall, nicely done. Yarr, matey!

Minor details:

I hand brushed me roughly aside shouting curses only the most seasoned of sailors probably knew. - I think you meant "a hand"

“A man like that(.)” (T)he speaker walked up to stand beside me.
5/21/2008 c1 31ByYourSide
I love a good pirate story.

It's wonderful you researched all of this-props to you there, I know research takes a lot of time. It does make the story more believable though, and it adds an extra layer to it. =] A layer of awesome.

Personally I think the pacing was a bit too fast, but that's just my opinion and my liking. I would've liked to know more about the narrator-although she wasn't the focus of this story, Blackbeard was-and have seen Blackbeard's death drawn out a bit more. I'm all about the details; I love them. Perhaps you could've put a few more in to add suspense.

I did really like it, though. Pirates = love!
5/18/2008 c1 11Distilledfx
I read the summary and had to read the rest.

An interesting idea, I wish I'd written it. While the main showcase of this (to me anyway) was the brutal death of Blackbeard, the last few lines are what really had me going. I hoped you would go into it more as the weird parts that come from no where are what I really like to read. The "devil" as I'm assuming he was, really took me by surprise. Maybe a bit of description, or the setting changing a little (a cloud going over the sun and dimming the burning light for just a second) would have made this even more surreal. I don't know much about writing things that aren't horror, so I would say some foreshadowing or suspense leading up to that moment would have really been so sweet.

The death of Blackbeard was what I read this for, and you convinced me that it wasn't a fair fight (odds against Blackbeard) but I didn't really feel anything when he died. Maybe if the character had a chilling encounter with him beforehand, maybe he discovers her and scares her half to death, or if there was some sort of bond between them (good or bad) before we see him fighting the blue man. The gore itself was well done, not too over the top, but somewhat excessive at the same time. It wasn't gore for the sake of it (as I have definitely done before), it had a purpose so kudos for that. One thing that I have learnt from writing horror though is that people can be desensitised a little to blood, so bone or other things can have a lot more impact. One that I'm really having fun with at the moment is puss coming from wounds. Truly gross.

The voice of the character/narrator in this is great, though a little more description wouldn't have gone astray (except those first lines... great work there "moldy old stairs." is awesome).

I picked up some typos while reading...

"I prayed my clothes were dark enough to blend [in to] the shadows and my red hair wouldn’t give me away." I think this should be "into"

"I couldn’t see hide or hair [or] the crew" I think this should be "of"

"A couple [] months ago he married a sixteen-year-old girl named Mary Ormond" I think there is a missing "of"

"Apparently he weaved hemp into his hair and [let] it on fire to scare enemies half to death." I think this should be "lit"

"up the stairs and into the (literally) blinding sunlight." Unless the sun is actually blinding people the "(literally)" isn't necessary

"(I couldn’t [heat] what they said)," Should this be "hear"

"Some fired a gunshot that his Blackbeard." I'm not sure what is being said in this sentence

"[he] color they were supposed to be." This should be "the"

"I petrified, but rooted to the spot." I think this should be "I was petrified, rooted to the spot."

"and I realized The Spawn [f] the Devil was dead" This should be "of"

Wow... a long review. I try to pack stuff into these that can be helpful. I really enjoyedd reading this, and though I won't change my latest to a pirate ship, I'm definitely going to move some stuff into the blistering out door sun. Nice work and nice writing!
1/24/2008 c1 2Seigetsu Ren
Aww...that wasn't too gory. I dare say some other stories are more gory than this and they are rated T. The rating is good. Anything lower and it may be taken off the site, but M isn't need for just a cut head at the end. It's fiction after all.

I like the pacing of this story. It is short, fast, down to the point. It really fits the characters involved. I did spot some mistakes though, so I thought you might want to know:

'(I couldn’t heat what they said),...'

this should be 'hear what they said...'

'The Spawn f the Devil was...'

should be 'Spawn of the Devil...'

There were some other things I noted too, but I couldn't seem to find it again when I'm starting to write my review. Either way, I suggest reading your writing out loud a bit after you've finished writing it. It seems to help in spotting little errors here and there. Another thing I'd like to suggest is that the writing might need to be a little more flowery in order to match the narrator. The girl who narrated this seem to give me an impression of a more well-mannered person. Frankly, the narration sounds like it is coming from a pirate rather than her.

It's still a good story though. If you have time, check out my story 'Willing Tool' as I need some feedback for that experimental piece. Either way, thanks for the nice story. It was a good read!

Good luck writing!
12/20/2007 c1 9Otseis Ragnarok
Onar - Review game{depth}

I was amazingly surprised to see that your protagonist was a woman. She had such a male voice in her perspective...

Then was blackbeard's actual death. I was scared... Blackbeard was a scary-assed man. Not to mention fourteen wives... was that true?

Either way, that was good, despite the absence of several words. (I'd list them, but I'll leave that up to the other reviewers.)
10/7/2007 c1 FrankCastleCM09
I like the way you start off, throwing us right into the middle with the narrator and what's happening. You do a great jobs in regard to the battle taking place and what's happening as well as the way we see everything, not too overboard on the details, just the right amount. I enjoy stories with multiple things happening at once and seeing it all through the eyes of one character and you do a great job with that. I especially enjoyed the end and the way black beard falls, as well as the man speaking withint the last couple of sentences.

I found one or two typo's but there weren't that many, other than that I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.
7/16/2007 c1 9Nuvez
I like the short fic, it even feels like it should end there.

My kid liked it too,=)
7/12/2007 c1 de wolf
very nice. the beginning was kinda confusing, but i undestood it better as it went on. and you had a couple typos too. but very good, and i didn't think it was THAT gory. ^.^
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