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for Blackbeard's End

7/12/2007 c1 15PhoenixAura
It's a good story, it definitely caught and held my interest. And I loved the ambiguity of the man at the end (though, it was a little too subtle).

First off the bat, I'm not sure some of the language you used in certain parts fits the time period. The main one that jumps out is "...more of his clothes were red than, you know, he color they were supposed to be." 'You know' is quite modern. But there are several others.

Second, in the first half of the story you jump back and forth between using past tense and present tense to tell the story. I think it would be better in past tense.

Third, for a ship about to be launched into battle, things sound pretty quiet at the start - the narrator sounds as if she's focusing on hiding on any other day rather than panicking after hearing shouts and orders and cannonfire, etc.

The only other issue is that the implied devil is a little to subtle. I think if you described the person clearer and gave the narrator some kind of impending sense of doom being around this guy then it'd make the reader wonder more.

All in all, I thought it was a really good story. I really enjoyed it. I love these kinds of fictitious accounts of real-life happenings, it gives a different sense of reality that textbooks and news articles never have. Nice job. :D
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