Just In
for The Journal of Thorne

7/15/2007 c1 5ChaosRequiem
Good short piece, though it seems to be more a work of fantasy than sci-fi.

However, it did have a few stereotypical qualities that detracted from the quality of your work. Firstly, a prophecy revolving around the elements. This has been used and abused so many times it lacks any sort of originality anymore to readers, despite your best intentions. If you _must_ use a prophecy, then try and at least not make it focus on a group of people with special powers vanquishing the antagonist(s), especially with young people/teenagers as heroes.

Secondly, you never really described the setting. All I can remember after reading it was that it occurred in some sort of city/village/community, it was windy, and it was night, only discovering the time of day after finishing it. I've found it to be so much more effective to describe a setting in as much reasonable detail as possible in one of the first paragraphs. That way, it gives the reader a good picture in their minds, and it provides an excellent canvas for the action and plot. This goes for the wraeths as well, you never really discussed what they looked like.

I really must compliment you on your introduction and conclusion, and I consider them to be the best parts of the story. They have a more...realistic quality to them. Once again, good short piece, it'll be interesting to see if you expand on it.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service