for My Forever Broken Heart1/8/2010 c2 
2autumn sea
I like that she actually SPEAKS to the readers to draw them in, this is a good idea. But there are a few things, I think if you went over, the story would flow more smoothly.
I've noticed you use quite a few exclamation and question marks to emphasize the point you're trying to make. This can be done more effectively by using italitcs and bold features, which is less harsh on the readers eyes.
I think also in the summary you've said it was three years ago this mysterious man ended it with her. In the first chapter you state it is four.
Other than that, I look forward to reading the next edition in your novel. :)
2autumn seaI like that she actually SPEAKS to the readers to draw them in, this is a good idea. But there are a few things, I think if you went over, the story would flow more smoothly.
I've noticed you use quite a few exclamation and question marks to emphasize the point you're trying to make. This can be done more effectively by using italitcs and bold features, which is less harsh on the readers eyes.
I think also in the summary you've said it was three years ago this mysterious man ended it with her. In the first chapter you state it is four.
Other than that, I look forward to reading the next edition in your novel. :)
1/8/2010 c1 autumn sea
I like this so far. It is a good effect, the short prologue, for me at least.
Short prologues keep my attention, get me interested.
I like this so far. It is a good effect, the short prologue, for me at least.
Short prologues keep my attention, get me interested.
9/19/2007 c2 After-Forever0130
Good first chapter :) There are a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but other than that, a lot of potential. Good job, keep writing!
-After Forever
Good first chapter :) There are a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but other than that, a lot of potential. Good job, keep writing!
-After Forever
9/16/2007 c2 3The Toothpaste Fiend
This is so sad! Don't worry about trying to make chapters longer, you'll just end up writing a load of drivel that you hate. Just let it ... flow. Haha, I sound crazy, but that's the only advice I can give you. Hope it helps (proabably not)
Love
The Toothpaste Fiend
3The Toothpaste FiendThis is so sad! Don't worry about trying to make chapters longer, you'll just end up writing a load of drivel that you hate. Just let it ... flow. Haha, I sound crazy, but that's the only advice I can give you. Hope it helps (proabably not)
Love
The Toothpaste Fiend
9/2/2007 c2 19postcards from italy
Hehe.
It made me laugh.
I liked it, please make them longer! (srry, i'm hyper right now)
g'night
- pretty yuina
19postcards from italyHehe.
It made me laugh.
I liked it, please make them longer! (srry, i'm hyper right now)
g'night
- pretty yuina
9/2/2007 c1 postcards from italy
Please continue! This really has great potential, update soon.
- pretty yuina
PS: Thanks for reviewing my story, I really appreciate it.
Please continue! This really has great potential, update soon.
- pretty yuina
PS: Thanks for reviewing my story, I really appreciate it.
8/20/2007 c1 11Alexandria Smith
Good prologue... a bit short, I can't wait to hear some more... update soon!
~Ali
11Alexandria SmithGood prologue... a bit short, I can't wait to hear some more... update soon!
~Ali