for Lucky Number 278/3/2007 c1 Kindre Turnany
I think you need to decide what you're doing with the rhyming. For something like this I'd suggest not rhyming anything for most of it and then ending in a rhyming couplet or something... w/e.
Poetry uses punctuation, even on the end of a line.
I think "anymore" should be two words, but you might want to check instead of taking my word for it.
Using more creative verbs and imagery would really help this piece a lot.
And you could just use the first line as the summary. I generally do; or the first stanza... though you don't have those.
I liked the last line a lot, and that you waited until then to explain the title.
I think you need to decide what you're doing with the rhyming. For something like this I'd suggest not rhyming anything for most of it and then ending in a rhyming couplet or something... w/e.
Poetry uses punctuation, even on the end of a line.
I think "anymore" should be two words, but you might want to check instead of taking my word for it.
Using more creative verbs and imagery would really help this piece a lot.
And you could just use the first line as the summary. I generally do; or the first stanza... though you don't have those.
I liked the last line a lot, and that you waited until then to explain the title.