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7/5/2008 c1 10TwilightButterfly
WOW! This was amazing! I know the feeling of having a poem 'just sort of write itself' and this poem was wonderful! It kind of has that deep, dreamy, meaningful/meaningless quality to it, know what I mean? I think the beginning was the best part of this, and your rhyming was excellent! Just out of curiosity, how long did it take you to write this?
3/12/2008 c1 bipedalcooney
Beautifully written. I love the rhyme scheme, and I'm not usually a fan of rhyming poems. The imagery is really vivid too. Great poem, keep writing! jrsparkus told me to check out your writing, and I'm glad I did!
3/8/2008 c1 24ilovetheopera
Hm. I don't know what to say about it either. But firstly: 'truly', not truely.

okay. though rhyming poems aren't really my thing, the rhyme wasn't too obvious to make me want to puke after the first few lines. you managed to be quite consistent with the rhythm, so that's a good thing.

however, some sentences seemed to be quite convoluted eg.

'Faithless in our humanly hearts

Blame though be not on her part'

wtf at the second line? yeah, not sure if there's an ulterior purpose, and it IS understandable but still.

also, her's (in the third line from bottom) should be 'hers'.

generally, i like the description of the persona in your poem.. very secretive and sort of withdrawn. like not all appears like what it seems, that kinda thing. the last two lines are the nicest.

not a very memorable poem in my opinion, but okay(: keep working at it!

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