for Charac11/19/2007 c1 
12l3g3nd
Well done, I must say. Your descriptions are adequate and the sentences flow just smoothly.
The first person point of view, you utilize it well.
I'd love to read more if you're going for the 2nd chapter, but it's been 3 months since you posted this up...?
12l3g3ndWell done, I must say. Your descriptions are adequate and the sentences flow just smoothly.
The first person point of view, you utilize it well.
I'd love to read more if you're going for the 2nd chapter, but it's been 3 months since you posted this up...?
10/11/2007 c1 4Pishbadlarr
breathing rancid gas directly below my ear
- The phrasing here is a little awkward. I know technically gas would be correct, but it sounds off and it made me stumble.
In my mental ranting, I ignored most of what the lobsterman said.
- I'm not sure ranting would be the proper word to use here, as rant implies anger and the character isn't really displaying any anger.
I loved the ending though. It's an interesting look at the last couple seconds of his life, and it's well done. :)
4Pishbadlarrbreathing rancid gas directly below my ear
- The phrasing here is a little awkward. I know technically gas would be correct, but it sounds off and it made me stumble.
In my mental ranting, I ignored most of what the lobsterman said.
- I'm not sure ranting would be the proper word to use here, as rant implies anger and the character isn't really displaying any anger.
I loved the ending though. It's an interesting look at the last couple seconds of his life, and it's well done. :)
9/1/2007 c1 3Irishancest
Hey,
This is a very intriguing story, and very unique. I have not seen anything like this. Good job writing, I hope you keep it up.
Irish
3IrishancestHey,
This is a very intriguing story, and very unique. I have not seen anything like this. Good job writing, I hope you keep it up.
Irish
8/28/2007 c1 16lady-kyleian
I love the way you write this... I've tried to write like that before, where the character has all these brilliant little comments, but I can't seem to pull it off very well.
I can't wait to read more, (should I say less, I want to know what happened before...).
16lady-kyleianI love the way you write this... I've tried to write like that before, where the character has all these brilliant little comments, but I can't seem to pull it off very well.
I can't wait to read more, (should I say less, I want to know what happened before...).
8/20/2007 c1 1striped feather
Wow...I'm really liking your characters and prose. Keep writing.
It's short, but it really makes an impact.
1striped featherWow...I'm really liking your characters and prose. Keep writing.
It's short, but it really makes an impact.
8/20/2007 c1 Efirnda McDannak
First off...
Bravo! I love the discription of the lobster man...the sharpt pointed teeth, etc. You've improved greatly-keeping things to where they make sense for the readers (this of which I am guilty) as well as keeping the readers interest! I have to say...you've addicted me again (but you know this) and I hope to read more of it if and when it'c completed.
I'd have to say, between this and RR, I like this one best...history is to my liking. I will look for updates here!
-EM
First off...
Bravo! I love the discription of the lobster man...the sharpt pointed teeth, etc. You've improved greatly-keeping things to where they make sense for the readers (this of which I am guilty) as well as keeping the readers interest! I have to say...you've addicted me again (but you know this) and I hope to read more of it if and when it'c completed.
I'd have to say, between this and RR, I like this one best...history is to my liking. I will look for updates here!
-EM
8/20/2007 c1 9Jibbittessa
I didn’t have a clue what I was it was going to be like.
*er... Is that "I was" supposed to be in there?*
with the speech impediment in all.
*"and all", maybe?*
(after all, ropes bound my hands tightly behind my back). After all, with my profession
*too many "after all"s too close to each other... Try changing or removing one, it'd sound much better.*
~
This sounds like a very interesting story. I love the character. Even after this one chapter he's seems extremely interesting. I love his comments on the "lobsterman" and his precise countdown of time. I can't wait to see more of this!
9JibbittessaI didn’t have a clue what I was it was going to be like.
*er... Is that "I was" supposed to be in there?*
with the speech impediment in all.
*"and all", maybe?*
(after all, ropes bound my hands tightly behind my back). After all, with my profession
*too many "after all"s too close to each other... Try changing or removing one, it'd sound much better.*
~
This sounds like a very interesting story. I love the character. Even after this one chapter he's seems extremely interesting. I love his comments on the "lobsterman" and his precise countdown of time. I can't wait to see more of this!