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1/5/2008 c1 4xLilly White
Lovely.

Gorgeous.

Just...perfect.

(eh, I'm a bit speechless)
8/21/2007 c1 7The Breakdancing Ninja
[Tonight, laying still in our passenger/ seats,] *lying.

[perfumed with jin and donuts,] *gin.

[is better than nothing so we breath] *breathe.

[Jim is our driver and god.] I like how Jim is the entity that takes them on this surreal ride; he's sort of like a ghost driver, like all the other hallucinations (?) coming into and leaving the the car. He reminds me of the boatman that takes people along the river Styx.

[We get to thinking that/ there’s others in here besides you/ and I and Jim.] I like how it's phrased "we get to thinking" as opposed to "there is" or "we imagined". Statements that direct us toward a state of mind tell us the nature of the poem. In this case, the poem is about "getting to thinking" or the idea of getting oneself to imagine things that he or she has seen. I think, coupled the idea of driving in a car but seeing only lights and black space, we have a perfect image of the mind: a blurry vehicle where all is accessible. This vehicle is not given a real destination; it seems like it can drive anywhere. If the state of mind is such, this could be a beautiful but also a very dangerous thing.

The three people chosen, a teacher, some dude who buys the other character in this poem time, and someone without a home could take on countless literary interpretation, but the general idea is that there is a person that can provide lessons, someone who could give us a time frame or a terminal end (nonexistent because the character never wears the watch) and also, someone who could provide enlightenment (counting the lamps) though he has no set place to go.

[making impressions/ of mothers and fathers in pieces,/ their heat,] This is beautiful. I think what makes it beautiful is how the words are used and grouped together; the usage is intuitive, in a feminine and knowing sort of way, that provide for us a feeling that the experience that the speaker of the poem and the others in the car are going through reaches past coherency and base level comprehension. I mean to say, it's deep. rofl

[and for a brief moment,/ we could see ourselves clearly for a change,] The thought this poem has to offer us is that its form of true enlightenment means burning away thoughts of everyone else until oneself is clear, identifiable amid all those floating thoughts.

[and we get to thinking that seeing anything/ is better than nothing so we breath/ in deeply this bright white] The resignation and revery of this final statement tells me they're not prepared for the pain and confrontation of getting to know themselves but they are also willing to let it in. Inhaling from the nose versus from the mouth produces a different literary affect, but any time a character ingests something in a story or poem, any time a character is taking something in, it means that they're internalizing that ideal, or trying to "chew" on it, think about it, make it a part of themselves.

The title is interesting because it is the general waking and sleeping time of people. The time frame is reminescent of a "full day" of work and home and sleep and everything else in between. I'm just wondering what part of the day we're seeing right now. The way the poem is reading, I could see the time as, 1:AM to 4:AM.

The tone is carefree but also contemplative, which is a mysterious but effective mixture; it was short and sweet and awesome to read. Thanks for this, ML.

Rock on.

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