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for On The Bathroom Floor

8/24/2008 c1 90Anusari Vairanon
Sexy, passionate, and beautiful. Your rhythm could use a little work to make it a bit more fluid, but I love the way you conjured up the images without being fully descriptive, and leaving little tidbits to the imagination and keeping it casual and not overly erotic to the point of being too much. Lovely.
11/22/2007 c1 6Anz Pineapple
I like the line breaks, how you divided a thought into several lines. It really works here.
8/24/2007 c1 10Susannah Simon
ooh. so powerful! i love the part "gripping...for a lifeline". the lifeline part was a really strong reference! i think it could have ended at "gasping for breath". i think the "for more" was unnecessary. great poem though! -suze
8/21/2007 c1 5Hydrangea Syrup of DOOM
um...YOU DISTURB ME! otherwise it's good, if you look at the writing. sorry just not really in to this kind of thing.
8/21/2007 c1 Sophie Ulquiorra Allen
I love these types of poems, where you get the sensuality and the deeper love all in one package. Great use of rythym here, and the description is good too...the only thing I would caution you against is using the word 'thigh' too much; it tends to get very repetitive here. Anyway, very nice poem!

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