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for Irresponsible

1/26/2008 c1 6concerto49
Review Marathon Event - refer to link in profile.

It feels rushed and not as well thought out as it could have been. Like that you have an idea but don't exactly know how to express them. You say things one way, then in a later sentence, perhaps try to add more depth, but instead contradicts it a little and makes it feel weird. It might be a good thing and a bad thing. It's as though it's straight out from the main character, perhaps little like you write as things happen, but in terms of technic and objectively it's pretty poor.

There's tense confusions, grammar problems and spelling mistakes. Generally needs editing. Some of the character's reaction were pretty okay-ish, but overall it needs more depth too. Like, the surprise about 'dad' being still alive is good but you need to express is better and should show greater shock about it. Also, the tie-in at the end and all tells what will happen next, which makes it link on. At least it's not just a scene that way.
12/24/2007 c11 deletedaccount8899066

what a sad but wholesome ending

im so glad that you finished it!

dont you feel a sense of ... something!

im colie smiles by the way.. for some reason i changed my pen name, i have trouble making up my mind about things like that


i love your stories

but ive been working on schoolwork and now its finally summer holidays and christmas =]

so merry christmas

i also just realised you favourite authored me =] =] =] =] =]

and i felt bad because i didnt favourite author you

so i did

you're my only review you know =[

i dont get many

i guess i should write more

anyway, this was only meant to be short

merry christmas
11/19/2007 c3 2Pointless Dot
Livonia? What state was Izzie from?

Oh and I wasn't even going to read this much because I have to get off of the computer but I got hooked on your story! '-'
11/15/2007 c11 criti-sized
Well, wow. I guess in the end the title did fit, lol.

The last chapter was interesting. It was nice how you counted down to twelve. I'm not sure if it was the time that they died, or had to do with something else, but it was good anyway.

Congratulations on finishing the story. Let me know when you have the next one, seeing that you stated you were going to have one.

11/10/2007 c11 20Twilight Starr
Good ending. I found the Rick's POV thing funny. Nice work. :D

~Twilight Starr~
11/10/2007 c11 8Harsh Notes
GR! Why? It was too soon! Why was it a count down to twelve? I'm oh so confused.
10/15/2007 c10 criti-sized
Okay another good chapter. It's odd that Rick is willing to give that much money to get her back, but I guess it has to deal with her being his child.

Update soon.

10/15/2007 c9 criti-sized
Hm, interesting chapter. I don't really see what running away is going to get her except more trouble, but I guess after what she's ben through she's entitled to want to leave.

There were a few typos in the chapter, but other than that it was definitely good.

10/15/2007 c10 deletedaccount8899066
Wow, please keep writing!

It's so eerie, it reminds me of my writing when im in a hurry too.

The only thing that irritated me was in chapter 1 when you kept saying were instead of where.


thats it

other than that

i absolutely love it, please continue.




i dont understand the beginning

how did she know he was her biological father?... she was quick to believe he was..

she wouldnt be doubtful at all after 15 years with her dad?


you were in a hurry and you were writing on a beach, im not condoning you

once again.. i really love it

you should totally bring magic into it somehow =P
10/13/2007 c10 Harsh Notes
Wow. Why did Cassandra do that? Aww. I feel bad for hating her now.
10/12/2007 c10 20Twilight Starr
Good chapter although you could have said a bit more about Cassandra turning and telling Izzie. You could also add a bit more information on Rick is so horrible. It would help with describing your characters' emotions, etc.

Good job!

Have an excellent day.

~Twilight Starr~
10/11/2007 c9 8Harsh Notes
Aww man! Why are they running away? Why? What about school? They're gonna get caught.
10/11/2007 c9 20Twilight Starr
She makes her dad out to be a real deadbeat father.

Good chapter.

Looking forward to more.

Have an awesome day. ^^

~Twilight Starr~
10/10/2007 c8 criti-sized
It's nice to see an update. And it's a lengthy one, so that's nicer.

"“No were of your concern,” " 'where'. It's good to see her standing up for herself and not letting Cassandra bully her.

The chapter is very interesting. There were a few typos in it, but I didn't want to point them out, because I figured you were going to revise this chapter anyway.

Poor Andy, I can see why he has so many troubles in his life, from having a mother that's a drug addict, that alone can cause problems in a boy's life.

To some extent, I had the feeling that the police were going to end up at the house, that's what they usually do when they hear that teena are gathering.

But over all good chapter.

10/7/2007 c8 8Harsh Notes
Too short! Update!
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