for Dear Tragedy12/10/2007 c1 
74A Perfect Sonnet
This had some really interesting ideas in it, but I think it could have benefited from some more in-depth moments. I have problems with that as well (a large part of my reason for rewriting Blood On Our Sneakers) and it's usually easy to fix. The fact that you've created characters that I (and from my glance at your reviews) and other people want to know more about, should be a really flattering complement.
This just seems like the kind of story where detail and history are key. I want to know about Scout and Tragedy. How they met, why they have self-destructive tendencies (smoking, self-scaring, maybe anorexia (Scout?), etc) and what makes them the way they are. They sound odd and their potential romance sounds equally odd and I love few things more than off-beat characters with off-beat romances.
I got a bit confused by Tragedy's multiple names, I think she had at least four? (Tragedy, Alexa, Lexie, slut?) So a little bit of clarification here and there could go a long way.
Generally though, I think this could be worthwhile. I think it has the most potential if you focus on their quirks, but it's difficult to say since I'm not entirely certain where you'll go with it.
I really enjoyed the final line, despite the "nauseating" sweetness of it. It's a thought-twisting sweet instead of gross sweet, like when Mary Sue characters spend 12 paragraphs comparing their love interests eyes to the ocean. That makes me want to vomit all over my computer. This just made me think, "damn. Nice foreshadowing."
74A Perfect SonnetThis had some really interesting ideas in it, but I think it could have benefited from some more in-depth moments. I have problems with that as well (a large part of my reason for rewriting Blood On Our Sneakers) and it's usually easy to fix. The fact that you've created characters that I (and from my glance at your reviews) and other people want to know more about, should be a really flattering complement.
This just seems like the kind of story where detail and history are key. I want to know about Scout and Tragedy. How they met, why they have self-destructive tendencies (smoking, self-scaring, maybe anorexia (Scout?), etc) and what makes them the way they are. They sound odd and their potential romance sounds equally odd and I love few things more than off-beat characters with off-beat romances.
I got a bit confused by Tragedy's multiple names, I think she had at least four? (Tragedy, Alexa, Lexie, slut?) So a little bit of clarification here and there could go a long way.
Generally though, I think this could be worthwhile. I think it has the most potential if you focus on their quirks, but it's difficult to say since I'm not entirely certain where you'll go with it.
I really enjoyed the final line, despite the "nauseating" sweetness of it. It's a thought-twisting sweet instead of gross sweet, like when Mary Sue characters spend 12 paragraphs comparing their love interests eyes to the ocean. That makes me want to vomit all over my computer. This just made me think, "damn. Nice foreshadowing."
8/27/2007 c1 fullfilledmission
hmm..definitely interesting. A take on romance i've hardly seen on fictionpress before. Congrats, number one on staying away from the whole cliche thing. That was pretty original. I liked it. It was very brief though. Detail would have been something which would have made it a little better, just because i found it was over too soon. That's just my opinion, i dunno whether you were going for brevity, cause that's fine too. All in all...very original!
hmm..definitely interesting. A take on romance i've hardly seen on fictionpress before. Congrats, number one on staying away from the whole cliche thing. That was pretty original. I liked it. It was very brief though. Detail would have been something which would have made it a little better, just because i found it was over too soon. That's just my opinion, i dunno whether you were going for brevity, cause that's fine too. All in all...very original!
8/27/2007 c1 7Cleopatra IV
I've honestly never understood the reason for people hurting themselves for whatever reason but it does happen and I think that was a very interesting portrial. I don't normally go for these kinds of stories but I think if you decide to continue writting I'll definately read it.
7Cleopatra IVI've honestly never understood the reason for people hurting themselves for whatever reason but it does happen and I think that was a very interesting portrial. I don't normally go for these kinds of stories but I think if you decide to continue writting I'll definately read it.