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for The Dead Girl

8/29/2007 c1 3mz intoxicating
k .. im gunna say this for everyone. You WILL find out about the girl in the next chaptre. like, who she is and what she does and whats her name. i meant for you guys to figure that out in the next chapter. and you might realize i didnt say the gender of the killer, reason being is that it leaves a mystery to it. It makes it possible that it could be anyone.


mz intoxicating*
8/29/2007 c1 15Jecori
this is a fairly good job for your first story, my love =]

the only thing bugging me is that you repeat words too much.


like, the figure did this, the figure did THAT...

you mentioned figure too much, and at the beginning, ..yeah.

re-read it and you'll see.

that's the only damn thing that annoys me. because the story and detail is so good, you can't have simple things like over-repetition destroy it! noo!

and the anticipation. o.o ...i must know who killed her...except we have no names, no place, hardly, even though i could still imagine it in my head. weird,huh?

she knows something...and that's why the criminal killed her. ugh! how cold-hearted...

so yeah. just re-read it and re-word it. it really messes up the flow that can come so naturally to this chapter!

that's it. but i'll be waiting to see what happens next...

mwahahahahhaa *evil music*


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