Just In
for Dragon Flight

3/26/2008 c2 3Master of the 4th Dimension
The story is very good, but I have a few suggesions:

1. Your first chapter has some trouble with tenses. Is it past or present tense? Either way, it needs to be fixed.

2. How did they get the dragons? If people ran away from dragons, why do they have four dragons outside a cafe?

3. Be more discriptive. The grueling, specific details can give a story a ton of more life.

4. There are some holes in your plot. Why are they being allowed to leave for a forbidden continent? How do they know each other? Where did they live before going onto the continent? Why did they leave as soon it was 2:00? There are other things, too.

5. You reuse the names too much names. If one sentance talks about the same person a the previous, use "she" or "he" or "gorfibbit" but that's only in an alien langwage.
9/1/2007 c1 2Mandeline
Hi, it's me, the inspiration for Meroko! *throws confetti* Anyway, I look forward to reading about the boys you talked about. I'll review again soon!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service