for The Sins Of The Past6/20/2008 c2 
22emmaliefje
Hello! I think you must have reviewed about half my stuff, so I thought I'd finally return the favor! Sorry of taking so long!
I really like the prologue, giving an idea of what happened and what will happen. I also like this chapter though! It's very cool. But I think you could stretch it out a lot longer. It seems like way too much happens. You could make the background info (feeling trapped by the marriage) 1 chappie, the running away, and the pursual and vampire another, because you really write well. I'd like to see more pretty descriptions (I liked the line "The only response I could manage was an un-ladylike grunt at her retreating back." I dont know why; the sentence structure and word choice made me smile.), and stretching the story out could do that. Anyway, well done, and thanks for the endless reviewing :D
22emmaliefjeHello! I think you must have reviewed about half my stuff, so I thought I'd finally return the favor! Sorry of taking so long!
I really like the prologue, giving an idea of what happened and what will happen. I also like this chapter though! It's very cool. But I think you could stretch it out a lot longer. It seems like way too much happens. You could make the background info (feeling trapped by the marriage) 1 chappie, the running away, and the pursual and vampire another, because you really write well. I'd like to see more pretty descriptions (I liked the line "The only response I could manage was an un-ladylike grunt at her retreating back." I dont know why; the sentence structure and word choice made me smile.), and stretching the story out could do that. Anyway, well done, and thanks for the endless reviewing :D
5/16/2008 c2 3acapella33
I love Twilight. I love vampire stories in general, really, so I'm sure I'll like this one.
Your writing is good. Really good. You have a good sense of word choice, and I like Annabel's voice.
I would suggest breaking up the paragraph that starts with "I turned to him and smiled..." when you start the description of the vampire. You also need a period after "The pain was shocking." Other than that, no mistakes.
Great story, and I'm anxious to red more. (That's the nice way of saying UPDATE NOW)
P.S. Thanks for reviewing my story =)
3acapella33I love Twilight. I love vampire stories in general, really, so I'm sure I'll like this one.
Your writing is good. Really good. You have a good sense of word choice, and I like Annabel's voice.
I would suggest breaking up the paragraph that starts with "I turned to him and smiled..." when you start the description of the vampire. You also need a period after "The pain was shocking." Other than that, no mistakes.
Great story, and I'm anxious to red more. (That's the nice way of saying UPDATE NOW)
P.S. Thanks for reviewing my story =)
10/29/2007 c2 14CK Shorty
A few mistakes here and there, but nothing too bad to pull my attention away from this story. I like it , and I hope you update sometime soon.
14CK ShortyA few mistakes here and there, but nothing too bad to pull my attention away from this story. I like it , and I hope you update sometime soon.
10/29/2007 c1 CK Shorty
Probably the shortest first chapter I've ever read, haha, but it was good. Makes me want to read more.
Probably the shortest first chapter I've ever read, haha, but it was good. Makes me want to read more.
10/22/2007 c2 11UponAtlas
wow. exciting. she says, un- yes- i said un-sarcastically. its really good. keep writing.
p.s. can you R&R my story 'life or something unlike it'?
11UponAtlaswow. exciting. she says, un- yes- i said un-sarcastically. its really good. keep writing.
p.s. can you R&R my story 'life or something unlike it'?
10/22/2007 c1 UponAtlas
short.
but you no wat they say, 'big things come in small packages'. or in other words, keep writing, its good.
short.
but you no wat they say, 'big things come in small packages'. or in other words, keep writing, its good.
10/17/2007 c2 10MzKit10
Wow, this is really well written. It's fast paced but in a good way, it's not confusing or anything. It's a great piece, please update soon. The character is well done, she's human and very easy to relate to because of your language and her presentation.
It's a great work that i would LOVE to see finished!
Kat.
10MzKit10Wow, this is really well written. It's fast paced but in a good way, it's not confusing or anything. It's a great piece, please update soon. The character is well done, she's human and very easy to relate to because of your language and her presentation.
It's a great work that i would LOVE to see finished!
Kat.
10/1/2007 c1 5astromantic spin
i'm loving it. i can't believe chapter one was so short though. i hope you update soon! (:
5astromantic spini'm loving it. i can't believe chapter one was so short though. i hope you update soon! (:
9/29/2007 c1 3Ollie B
I want to read more! This is good, yes indeed, and I am apalled that you ended it with so short of sentences.
3Ollie BI want to read more! This is good, yes indeed, and I am apalled that you ended it with so short of sentences.
9/25/2007 c2 1Reina Starr
That was GREAT! I love your word choice and I am very excited to see what happens next! WOW! That was awesome! Keep it up! :D
~+Healing Waters+~
1Reina StarrThat was GREAT! I love your word choice and I am very excited to see what happens next! WOW! That was awesome! Keep it up! :D
~+Healing Waters+~
9/25/2007 c2 3emotionless-stares
o0o I hope you continue this story because it seems really good. I'm guessing that she turned into a vampire. Anyway, I hope you update soon.
3emotionless-stareso0o I hope you continue this story because it seems really good. I'm guessing that she turned into a vampire. Anyway, I hope you update soon.