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12/10/2014 c1 17PhoenixFlame63
I like how you've made the poem not as smooth, and jerky, so it makes the theme more realistic.
Also, it seems finished to me.
10/21/2007 c1 879Moondog Dozier
I think that there are severals ways that you can branch this out as a continuation. I like what you've done with the semi-specifics in the stanza starting, "where are your friends". From that I think that you can pick up from the current end point with a similar length of specifics about the "live" concept that brings the reader into the marrow of the situation more. I like how you've gone from the abstract terms, "love", and "alone" in the beginning to, "you're shaking on the couch, blade in hand- and pills on the table" If you could bring the same concreteness after "live", and "love', and "lone" after the current ending and branch from there it may enhance the overall relatability to the situation. Just some thoughts. I do like what you've done with the switch from concept to specific descriptions of the concept already. Well written. MD:77.
10/5/2007 c1 muffinmuffin
Sorry about not signing in and spamming you with reviews. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's quite embarrassing, I'm quite embarrassed by my own behaviour. I know I'll regret it tomorrow morning.

I'm glad you mentioned that this wasn't finished. It didn't appeal to me as much as the other two had. I don't know what you're trying to achieve with the repetition of love in the first chunk (chunk. Chunk! Do you hear this? Articulacy has gone out the window! Someone call the word-police) but I don't think it's working. I like poems with a bit of flow in them, this one seems jerky to read.

Forever doesn't really have that finality to it. The impression I get from this is that you're trying to emphasize the 'everafter'-ness of after love. I don't have any helpful suggestions though. Sorry about being so useful.

I'm going to move onto the next one that catches my eye and I'm not stopping until I reach a good one! ...which should be pretty soon.

MM
9/26/2007 c1 57empathic life
You make me jealous, kid. Sorry I don't have the time to write you a better review. I'd love to hear from you. Love you, babe. ^^
9/21/2007 c1 33WyrdWolf
Wow. This was spooky in a good way...a kind of spook that settles on you. In all seriousness, I have this image of a woman rocking back and forth on a cough, muttering to herself, as scary xylophone music plays. The last two stanzas are great.

It does kind of seem like ending, albeit a sad one. Where do you think it could go from there? The final stanza seems just that-final.

Wolfie
9/19/2007 c1 18Sir Scott
It seems finished, but you can't ever tell about poetry.

~SirScott

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