for The Past, The Present5/24/2008 c27 Equilibrium
Don't have much time for a long review this time (cuz I'm on a training program), but I must say this chapter really made me laugh. Poor Ranoth. He can't seem to keep himself out of trouble.
Don't have much time for a long review this time (cuz I'm on a training program), but I must say this chapter really made me laugh. Poor Ranoth. He can't seem to keep himself out of trouble.
5/20/2008 c13 
3HeroR
Intense chapter, can't wait to see what will happen next. Keep up the good work.
3HeroRIntense chapter, can't wait to see what will happen next. Keep up the good work.
5/6/2008 c8 20Sekine Hana
Hey. Sorry i haven't been keeping up with your work (and i'm only at chapter 7 .
20Sekine HanaHey. Sorry i haven't been keeping up with your work (and i'm only at chapter 7 .
5/3/2008 c26 Equilibrium
If I was Shyves, I'd slap Seraph SO hard. Oh well, I guess we can't fault him for being overprotective. Hm, also... It's nice that your main characters all have very human flaws. Makes it more realistic. I liked this chapter a lot. Hurry with the next!
If I was Shyves, I'd slap Seraph SO hard. Oh well, I guess we can't fault him for being overprotective. Hm, also... It's nice that your main characters all have very human flaws. Makes it more realistic. I liked this chapter a lot. Hurry with the next!
5/3/2008 c11 3HeroR
Is it just me or Glidas attitude has gotten very dark. I guess that understandable considering what has happen to him.
Nice chapter, can't wait to read more:)
3HeroRIs it just me or Glidas attitude has gotten very dark. I guess that understandable considering what has happen to him.
Nice chapter, can't wait to read more:)
5/3/2008 c10 HeroR
Another nice chapter. Nice to see the plot moving again. Although, the whole Excalibur and vengeance sounds kind on the cliché, but I am sure you can make it work in a original way;)
Keep up the good work and happy writing.
Another nice chapter. Nice to see the plot moving again. Although, the whole Excalibur and vengeance sounds kind on the cliché, but I am sure you can make it work in a original way;)
Keep up the good work and happy writing.
4/28/2008 c25 Equilibrium
Nice new style. Your descriptions are improving. Now all you need to do is work on your grammar. Jia you!
Nice new style. Your descriptions are improving. Now all you need to do is work on your grammar. Jia you!
4/24/2008 c6 HeroR
This is a sad chapter. I really do feel for Glidas. I hope he gets even with that guy. Overall, very good chapter:)
This is a sad chapter. I really do feel for Glidas. I hope he gets even with that guy. Overall, very good chapter:)
4/24/2008 c4 HeroR
Things are starting to get more intense. I like the direction so far. Although, as I stated in my last review you are using a few clichés. However, I trust that you can make this more than original.
Things are starting to get more intense. I like the direction so far. Although, as I stated in my last review you are using a few clichés. However, I trust that you can make this more than original.
4/23/2008 c24 Equilibrium
Poor Glidas. He certainly gets into a lot of trouble, doesn't he? But, well, I guess getting kissed by a beautiful girl is the least of his worries...
Nice chapter. I liked the fight scene between Glidas and Ightzon. Your descriptions are improving. Keep it up!
Poor Glidas. He certainly gets into a lot of trouble, doesn't he? But, well, I guess getting kissed by a beautiful girl is the least of his worries...
Nice chapter. I liked the fight scene between Glidas and Ightzon. Your descriptions are improving. Keep it up!
4/17/2008 c1 5anti-climax
Hey! Long overdue I know, sorry about that. Was kinda busy, and I don't visit this site all too often nowadays also...
Hm, let's see...
Think the passage starting from 'I am Glidas?' all the way to the 'approaching the knight' bit could use some tweaking grammar-wise.
Some sentences seem disjointed. Like 'Perfect silver around his torso'... I doubt pure/perfect silver would make a very good armor piece personally, maybe you could word it to become 'A gleaming silver breastplate protected his formidable torso'.
'The golden silky hair of his...' This should probably go 'His golden silky hair'... One thing though, I wouldn't recommend etching out male characters with long blonde hair. It feels too Legolas-ish now and overtly extraordinary, IMHO.
'The knight's face turned sour'. Sour could be replaced by something else; people's faces usually turn sour when they're feeling irritated or pissed with someone, I would think 'grim' or 'resigned' would be a better choice personally.
'"How could he be running so fast? His injured"' It's 'he's', not 'his'.
Excalibur? Hmm, intriguing.
I can't tell too much about your story yet, so I'll reserve my opinion for when I read more later, when I have the time.
It's a decent first chapter overall, tweak the grammar a little and it would make for superior and improved reading. Good effort, and in any case, hope this review helped you.
Cheers!
5anti-climaxHey! Long overdue I know, sorry about that. Was kinda busy, and I don't visit this site all too often nowadays also...
Hm, let's see...
Think the passage starting from 'I am Glidas?' all the way to the 'approaching the knight' bit could use some tweaking grammar-wise.
Some sentences seem disjointed. Like 'Perfect silver around his torso'... I doubt pure/perfect silver would make a very good armor piece personally, maybe you could word it to become 'A gleaming silver breastplate protected his formidable torso'.
'The golden silky hair of his...' This should probably go 'His golden silky hair'... One thing though, I wouldn't recommend etching out male characters with long blonde hair. It feels too Legolas-ish now and overtly extraordinary, IMHO.
'The knight's face turned sour'. Sour could be replaced by something else; people's faces usually turn sour when they're feeling irritated or pissed with someone, I would think 'grim' or 'resigned' would be a better choice personally.
'"How could he be running so fast? His injured"' It's 'he's', not 'his'.
Excalibur? Hmm, intriguing.
I can't tell too much about your story yet, so I'll reserve my opinion for when I read more later, when I have the time.
It's a decent first chapter overall, tweak the grammar a little and it would make for superior and improved reading. Good effort, and in any case, hope this review helped you.
Cheers!
4/16/2008 c2 3HeroR
Another nice chapter. It runs into some fantasy clichés. but it is good over all. Keep up the good work.
3HeroRAnother nice chapter. It runs into some fantasy clichés. but it is good over all. Keep up the good work.
4/16/2008 c1 HeroR
I really like the first chapter. You are tell enough of the character to get a good idea about them, but not overwhelm your reader with too much detail. It is a little rough here and there, but good over all. I can't wait to see what will happen next.
I really like the first chapter. You are tell enough of the character to get a good idea about them, but not overwhelm your reader with too much detail. It is a little rough here and there, but good over all. I can't wait to see what will happen next.
4/16/2008 c23 Equilibrium
OMG. Is Glidas blind in one eye? That's a twist indeed.
Nice chapter. Very long, but I actually like it that way. I particularly enjoyed reading your description of the spider - kind of reminds me of Shelob from Lord of the Rings. XD
OMG. Is Glidas blind in one eye? That's a twist indeed.
Nice chapter. Very long, but I actually like it that way. I particularly enjoyed reading your description of the spider - kind of reminds me of Shelob from Lord of the Rings. XD