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10/23/2008 c1 Betsy B. Toil
Ignore the name haha

I already told you some of my comments, but since you're review obsessed...

Anyways, it's a really good story and it's pretty original. You need to add more chapters, but it's okay. You can work on one-shots instead haha

And don't worry, your language isn't too simple. it's good.

and...your description of darius is...interesting haha
3/28/2008 c5 Sagira98
Hello I've been following this story for quite a while and it's very good. Your writing is getting better with each chapter. I have a few questions though. Who's attacking Raiza and is the queen Mira? I'll be checking in every once in a while.
3/26/2008 c5 akb-inactive
Good story so far! Keep it up! :D
3/9/2008 c5 7Britt1122
Dum dum dum.

Sorry, It was just the sound effect that came through my head :P

Interesting. I dont usually likw this type of story, but I think its great.

One typo though, when he takes his shirt off it says 'luck' instead of 'look'.
3/4/2008 c5 3emotionless-stares
o0o, is she going to get her power back? Anyway, this is a decent story. I hope she helps saves his hometown..
3/4/2008 c4 emotionless-stares
Geez. Fasma's are dangerous.
3/4/2008 c3 emotionless-stares
Lol awesome. She went
3/4/2008 c2 emotionless-stares
That's awesome. He stopped time. I want to know what he does...
3/4/2008 c1 emotionless-stares
So, she can read minds? This is interesting.
3/4/2008 c3 3KnittingKneedle
Regarding your authors note, don't be afraid to spend time on a chapter and don't worry about updating promptly...I'd much prefer to see a well written long chapter that is three months late over something rushed anyway.

That said, I was stupidly releived when Darius said he wasn't a vampire, I hate vampire fics. I don't think Darius explained enough for Aislin to go with him, I don't understand why she'd go with a stranger who just stopped time with such little deliberation.

Watch the dialogue, at times it felt a little unatural 2Ew…you, you…heartless creature!” sounds really odd coming from a teenage girl and when she says "my mortal life"

She embraces where she is far too easily and readily for it to be plausible. And I still have no idea why she of all people is chosen.

You write well, however, and I like Darius.
3/4/2008 c2 KnittingKneedle
I do like the way you've been building up Aislin's backstory, it's keeping me hooked, and there isn't too much exspostion. As it is, Aislin's a little too sad, too ghost-like to really capture my attention, she seems to be lacking that *spark* that really attracts me to a main character. I'm hoping it will develop as the story progresses.

It's interesting to see where you're taking this, with time stopping and everything...the set up of a new boy in school is a little 'too convienient'...but the way you ended it, yeah you caught my attention
3/4/2008 c1 KnittingKneedle
I quite liked the beginning of this, Aislin's character intruigued me, even if she is a little over angsty. The part where she described what she thought of the 'mysterious stranger' gave a lot about who she was in a great way that wasn't telling it in an info dump.

The end part was interesting, and it's certainly a good hook- though a few more descriptions would have set a better tone, perhaps of mystery, than you achieved by just running through what the queen looked like. I have no idea where she was, what her kingdom looked like.

Good job so far!
2/21/2008 c5 Lynn
Boo :O

your story...is very...un-you-like.

especially the...descriptive...descriptions.

its a good story? if i wasnt so disturbed by your out-of-character writing x]
2/20/2008 c5 3viennax
GASP you finally updated it!

i wonder where you mind goes when you think about Darius xD

ah but you wish if only Veron were any bit like him.

write kaikaibuddy write!
10/26/2007 c4 6Chalk
hey!

i LOVE the story..really good! Darren in so cute, the way he's so reluctant to take Aislin to the queen...its so obvious he likes her...and u can just tell he's really good-looking!

Aislin's powers r so cool! knowning everything about everyone...but i LOVED the bit where Aislin was depressed about not being able to learn..i mean, seriously, who thinks of learning that way? the best thing about good stories is that they make you see things from a different point of view, so kudos to you on being able to do that!

plus her name! where'd u find such a cool, magical-sounding name like Aislin? and wats the deal with Mira?

can't wait to read more...quickie updates, please!/..:D
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